His Way Is Perfect

Youth Camp 2011

2012-01-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

No doubt one of the best camps I've attended. The camp was centred on knowing God's Word. No bombastic activities, no outrageous games, just two video sermons per day, discussion and devotion times with our respective groups, and a fair bit of free time. On top of that, I was there simply as a camper. There wasn't a multitude of tasks for me to complete, neither was there the burden of having to drastically step out of my comfort zone. I know I shouldn't shy away from that, but at that point of time, the arrangement was perfect for me. And I thank God for that.

Thank God for the lessons learnt through the video sermons. It was a whole new style of sermons, and I found myself struggling to keep my eyes open at times due to the lack of interactivity. But God taught me so much each time. The main takeaway I got is that one could go so deep into the Word. By God's grace, I completed the Bible for the first time in 2011. But all I did was read it from cover to cover, without delving deeper. Now that I've got a bird's eye view of the Bible, it's time to dig deeper into His Word and truly read it purposefully as my "life manual". Once again, by His grace!

I'm thankful that I got to serve by doing the powerpoint. I really didn't want to, seeing that I made a promise to myself not to do anything related to slides for the next 6 months as I was so sick of them. But for some reason, it was such a joy doing it during the camp. I was greatly humbled when people thanked me for it, I wasn't expecting that 'cos after all, it was the least I could do. Thank God for the privilege to serve in little areas that needed help.

Last but not least, thank God for the people at camp. I didn't venture out to talk to a whole lot of people, but I'm thankful to have spent a little time with people I don't talk to in church over Bridge. (That is why Bridge is a beneficial game that links people together hahahaha.) Thank God for Eleanor going for the camp, it was great spending time with and talking to her. Thank God for Wanxin, whom I probably spent the most time with and got to know so much better. Thank God for the chats we had, and we found out that we really have a lot in common. So thank God for a common-interest buddy, haha.

After the camp, someone thanked me for helping her be comfortable around the youth. I was really surprised, as half the time I'd be trying to make myself comfortable, lol. But once again, I'm humbled. Thank God for what little help I could offer. Thank God for His showers of blessings over the camp. Thank God for the awesome roomies - Jean, Eleanor, Wanxin, Pat, Chia Wen, Yufang and Janice (for a night) - we made up the sick bay as half of us were ill, lol. Thank God for an amazing youth camp, an incredible ending to 2011!

An Indescribable Camp

2011-12-10T21:21:00.001+08:00

The past three days at the BASC Children's Camp has been an amazing experience. Even that is an understatement to describe how blessed I am by what the Lord did during the camp. I thank God for this privilege to serve. I remember when the appeal was made for helpers, I disregarded it as I never really intended to help out in any avenue to do with children. It wasn't until I was personally asked that I felt a little obliged to do so since I would be having a rather long holiday. At that time, I thought that I would only serve in smaller areas such as games or art and craft, so to be assigned the role of group leader came as a shock to me. I knew I really had to depend on the Lord as 1) I have no heart for children, yet I would be spending the most time with them and 2) I absolutely do not like to lead.

It was challenging at the start. The hyperactivity of the children coupled with behavioural problems posed by several of them in my group made it difficult for me to get them to listen. I definitely thank God that leaders come in pairs (lol), thank God for Wanxin, who's way better at handling children than I am. Thank God that as we interacted more with the children, rapport was built and they were more willing to listen to us. I enjoyed the second day at eXplorer Kid where we got to play and bond with the children. There was this boy, Guodong, who wouldn't listen to a word I said on the first day. Yet on the second day, he wanted to follow me around!

Beyond the fun I had, I witnessed first hand how God performed miracles and changed lives over the short span of three days. A 12 year-old-girl in my group gave us much difficulty initially. She would either ignore us, or respond really rudely when we talked to her. During sermons and activities, she would venture off on her own and not cooperate at all. She was even called up by Aunty Betty for fighting with a groupmate. But I thank God for using Aunty Betty to spend time and share the Gospel with her. She didn't make an immediate decision but on the last day, she went up to Aunty Betty and said, "I did it." Puzzled by that statement, Aunty Betty probed and realised that the girl had accepted Jesus into her life. And the change in her was evident. She participated in the last sing-along session. She led us in our team cheer. And when we waved goodbye, she didn't stop waving till the bus turned off into another road... Even as I type this, I'm simply moved.

On the third day, a new girl joined my group, and she was a close friend of the 12-year-old girl. I knew it was double trouble right when she started goofing around with me. But over the day, God used Aunty May to talk to and share the Gospel with her, and she too came to know the Lord. Wow, wow, wow! There were many other testimonies about other children coming to trust Jesus, and it was just amazing. Thank God for the 66 children who trusted the Lord!

Thank God for my group, Hedgehog. I would not switch a child in there for any other. Naughty as they are, they're beautiful children, each a precious child of God, each unique in my eyes. I couldn't have asked for a better group. Thank God for our assistant leader Aunty Jenny (who could only join us on the first day, yet was greatly used by God to share the Gospel during soul-winning time) and our fearless soulwinner, Aunty May! Is she good at sitting the children down to talk to them!

Last but not least, thank God for the most awesome partner I could ever ask for... Wanxin! It's been such an enjoyable three days working with her. I'm really blessed by her efforts put into the camp by thinking of our team cheers, taking care of the children so well, and simply being a great role model by His grace. It was my first time working with her and I didn't know her well prior to the camp, but quoting what she said in her text to me, I'm amazed at the chemistry we shared. Thank God for this dear sister, she's one of the few people I've truly felt comfortable working with, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to serve alongside.

We are spiky, we are cute, we are the hedgehogs, and we will win the war!!!!!

BASC Camp 2011... To God be the glory!

St. John's Island, 5 - 7 Nov

2011-11-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

Thank God for the wonderful getaway to St. John's Island from Saturday to Monday! The last time I set foot on the island was 2 years ago and this time I went back, I'm reminded once again of why I love the place. The scenic seaview, serene surroundings away from civilisation... I wish the trip had been longer, but over the short span of three days, I had a marvellous time. I will let the pictures, which were all taken by Catherine, do the talking.

The red, blue and green

Playing Kart Rider Rush with Isaac and Ira. Love the boys!

Group shot over steamboat, minus Charmaine (who was behind the camera) and Alicia (who left earlier that afternoon).

With the guys, whom we didn't hang out much with 'cos they were always out fishing. Nonetheless, they were great fun, especially Darren, whose every line uttered is of great entertainment value lol!

Aunty Alice! Was simply lovely talking to her about many things!

The girls, who were amazing company throughout.

Charmaine being a bully as usual. I was trying to pose glamorously for the camera while in that position, but... I guess the picture says it all.

Lamb to the slaughter... The evil monkeys dragged me all the way to the sea where Kong decided to walk off, but Charmaine really dunked me in! Single-handedly. But with me clinging onto her, she partially got in too, so I'm happier. :D

So, presenting to you the wet pair.

Once again, I boarded the ferry dripping wet. (The same thing happened two years ago.) But this time, I wasn't alone. Haha! That aside, I'm just so thankful for the getaway. Thank God for Kong organising, planning for and contributing so much to this trip, for Charmaine helping out with all that and her labour of love in the preparations during the trip, and for everyone's awesome company one way or another! I enjoyed myself tremendously playing with Isaac and Ira (catching, iPhone games, card games, etc.), talking with Uncle Ivan and Aunty Alice, watching the guys (Kong, Darren, Daniel and Hansen) fish, and hanging out with the girls (Siqian, Catherine, Alicia and Charmaine)! Not to mention, we had our very own worship, sharing and prayer session on Sunday in a comfortable, cosy group. And I thank God we missed our ferry back on the last day and had to wait 2 hours for the next one, which gave us time to chill on the island and capture many beautiful memories with the cameras. (That gave me time to be thrown into the sea too...)

It was simply a refreshing time spent with the people there, catching up, talking, playing and such. I had a nice Sunday afternoon in the kitchen (somewhere you'll hardly catch me in) too, helping and learning from Charmaine how to prepare the various dishes for steamboat (and annoying her from time to time with the little things I did lol). So once again, thank God for the three days, thank God for each and every one who went!

I Refuse...

2011-10-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

... to be taken down by this massive workload. No matter how tough it's gonna be, I've gotta fight on. 'Cos I'm remembering to count my blessings. And all this will come to an end. Just two more weeks...

Phil. 4:13 is mine to claim.

Stand strong, in Him!

His All-Sufficient Grace

2011-09-16T23:37:00.002+08:00

It was a busy two weeks. Deadlines upon deadlines, meetings upon meetings, presentations upon presentations, tasks upon tasks... I knew at the beginning of it all that I didn't want to sulk through all of that though. I prayed, that I would truly depend on His grace and hold on to His promise, that the joy of the Lord would be my strength. I just knew He would see me through.

And of course He did. I'm just glad it's all over. I did feel frustrated at a point, but come to think of it, it's all about Him. What's a little indignance on my part, right? Thank God for having seen me through. The battle is not over, but thank God for the temporary rest I can enjoy now. Anyways, I'm supposed to be a "free bird".

Am still a little sad. But I'll entrust these emotions to You, that You might weave this melancholy into a love for the soul.

To end off on a lighter note... Pizza-cum-slumber party at Charmaine's tomorrow!

Junior Year

2011-08-29T02:47:00.000+08:00

I'm now three weeks into the first semester of my junior year. It's a significant jump from Year 2 in terms of module nature, class timings, and the amount of readings and assignments. Many say that Sem One of Year 3 is the worst semester. It is indeed very tiring, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that. For now that is. I thank God that I don't dread going to school. In fact, I look forward to the moments I get to catch up with friends I haven't seen and talked to in months. Thank God for times like these that make going to school fun. And how can I forget... I've got the best timetable I've EVER got, the first four-day week I've EVER had!

Thank God for the first few weeks He's seen me through. I guess it's easy to say that it's fun now, seeing that I haven't arrived at the hectic periods. (Soon enough though.) But I pray for renewed strength from Him each day, a constant dependence on Him, and sustained purpose in going to school. And if the Lord's willing, may this be redemption year! ;)

Marvellous Memories, Bountiful Blessings

2011-08-03T22:09:00.008+08:00

Like a toss of a boomerang, the five weeks I spent in Damai flew by. The only difference is, the time ain't coming back ever.

I'm truly blessed by this experience. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm so amazed how God answered my prayers and brought such a huge group of trainees into my life. I thank God for them, I thank God that we got along so well. I recall the many meals we'd have in the canteen and staff lounge each day, the chit-chat sessions, the birthday celebrations, the outings, and the support we'd give to one another whenever we had a rough time in class. I'm thankful for the friendships built, I won't forget them, and I pray that we'll still keep in contact somehow!

Thank God for the privilege to observe 1A1, 1A3, and 2E3. I didn't think I was gonna bother very much about the students. After all, I was only gonna be there for a short time and I was just observing the classes. How wrong I was. The students grew on me, and it's rare, but I actually found them adorable. Really adorable. Annoyed as I got with some of them, I never could stay angry at them. At the end of the day, they just made me smile. As I gave my goodbye speech to 1A3 last Friday, that scene where the students asked me not to leave, requested my Facebook, even wanting my autograph... I was pretty moved. Well, I'm glad I can keep in contact with the class, but it's my regret that I didn't get to say goodbye to 1A1 and 2E3. But as much as I miss them, life goes on. I can't thank God enough for letting me get to know and interact with these students. It's a pleasure.

It's definitely been a culture shock, a place and experience very different from how I was brought up and where I studied. But God has opened my eyes to the beauty of it. It's a realness of the world that I haven't seen. Where I came from, everything was fast, task-oriented, and it was all about reputation. Where I went to, it's just different. I began to see that the struggles in life are so real. It's not about pushing, pushing, and pushing to attain excellent results. I began to see that it's worth it to slow down, cultivate the foundations in a person, shower some care and love. I guess it'll be more rewarding teaching in such an environment. But it's no walk in the park. Let's see where God leads me next year, and for my 4 years.

I don't think I can fully express in words what I experienced and learnt the five weeks I was there. But that was for sure one of the best experiences I had this year. Once again, I thank God for the attachment, the staff, the students, the memories, the blessings, the lessons. And I'm still praying that He'll imbue in me a genuine passion for the road ahead and beyond that, a love for His people.

Thank you, all, who walked this journey with me and thank You, God, for Your unceasing presence.

Learn To Teach

2011-07-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

This practicum presented to me my first teaching opportunity. Prior to the practicum, I was sure I didn't want to get involved in the hard work of teaching since I wouldn't be required to do so. So I couldn't believe it when I actually told my Math CT that I wouldn't mind teaching. Fortunately or unfortunately, she granted my request and gave me quite a number of lessons to teach, including an entire chapter! (Of which thinking back, I hope I did justice to it.)

Teaching is tiring. Think of talking with a raised voice for a full hour, telling students to keep quiet and go back to their seats 348729356 times per lesson, repeating instructions and over and over again, explaining the same questions individually to so many students, feeling frustrated when their foundations aren't there, being annoyed at their behaviour... After every lesson, I'd just be so tired. But despite all this, I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself. It was tough, but I love the experience, and am thankful for it.

I have so much to learn. I have to learn to scold and shout (lol). I have to learn to lower my expectations. I have to learn to be patient when students don't understand their concepts. I have to learn to be willing to spend time grounding their basics. I have to learn to be way more prepared for each lesson. I have to learn to slow down. I have to learn to toughen up for the exponentially greater load that is to come. I have to learn to depend on Him. So that I can learn to love each one of them.

I can say outright that despite the noise levels and occasional annoyance, I love my students from the three classes. But that's because I'm only seeing them for five weeks. Right now, I do not have the confidence to say that I can love my students in future when I'll be seeing them everyday of the year. But ultimately, I have to remember that a student is not just a student, but a person with a soul. And I know I will not be able to love them apart from His love.

I'm Glad...

2011-07-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

I have decided to archive the experience of the Europe trip and church camp in my own memories, between me and God. Because it's time to move on.

In the past week...

I'm glad I took a little step to organise a small surprise celebration for my colleague's birthday. That simple deed made her so happy it simply blessed my heart. Thank God for my fellow trainees being so spontaneous and supportive. What can I say, but God has been so good throughout my practicum. I remember how I was deadly afraid to go to school on the first day 'cos I thought that I was the only one posted there. But He brought alongside 10 other trainees from different programmes, different universities. I thank God for these wonderful colleagues and how we get along so well together.

I'm glad I went for Street E last Thursday despite the major discouragement I faced the week before. I struggled to decide whether or not to go, as I had half concluded that I wasn't cut out for Street E. The eventual decision to go showed me once again how God honours the little steps of faith, and led me to come up with my own quote (I love these things) - "The number one requirement in being used by God is not competence in our work, but compliance with His Word." Thank God for the open hearts that day, may He work in them that these precious souls might come to know Him.

I'm glad I had an opportunity to teach for the first time ever yesterday. It was a Sec 2 Math class. I don't think I taught everything crystal clear, but we've all got to start somewhere, don't we. Thank God for giving me the voice and helping me cope with the stress of being observed by my cooperating teacher.

I'm glad I stayed back to conduct a Math remedial class today. I left school at 5.20pm, but I was strangely happy. Happy that I could help the students in their work, happy that they were willing to ask me questions where they struggled, happy to be a dedicated trainee (for once) lol. I have loads to learn where teaching is concerned, I don't think I can say that I have the passion to teach as of now, and I know the road ahead is gonna be challenging. But by His grace and guidance, I will walk the path!

I'm glad, I'm just glad, because God is so good!

Four Weeks Away From Home (Part 1)

2011-06-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

Just in case you thought I died or gave up on this blog, I'm very much alive and active. The title says it all. ;)

This series of posts will cover my sights, experiences, thoughts, feelings and reflections on the three weeks I spent in Europe, and the one-week (5 days, to be precise) church camp in Batam.

I was way excited to set foot in London. That was a childhood dream of mine, no kidding. I couldn't believe that my dream was gonna come true! But truth be told, I wanted to go overseas for another reason. I was drained and needed a break. Yeah, I was on holiday, what could be so tiring, right? Which is why they say, man always looks at things on the outside, while God sees the heart. And every part of that wasn't right. I was sick of doing things as a routine, sick of weekly meetings, sick of serving, sick of trying to be a different person in front of others, sick of being under scrutiny, sick of people. I was. It was unsettling. I needed to leave. I needed a time-out. But in actual fact, I wanted to escape...

And there my escape plans came to pass. Within the first few days, God taught me a valuable lesson. It was then that I regretted being a little too rash. Was it a right decision dropping everything in Singapore to live with a couple of friends for three whole weeks? While it was great in London and Prague, a part of me wished that I was back in Singapore, that three weeks would zoom by quickly. The reason? The relational aspect wasn't going well. We were kinda stepping on one another's toes for some odd reason, and just for that, I appreciated certain people around me so much more. And even with a bunch of good friends, I felt so alone, so empty inside. That was when I really turned to God in prayer. I knew I needed to draw closer to Him. If what it took was for me to be drawn away from everyone else into solitude, so be it. I was in need of Him. And I thank God for showing that to me.

Looking back, I thank God for the rough start. Right at the start, I'd requested many people to pray for me, that I wouldn't be too caught up in the fun and travelling but rather, focus on Him. If it weren't for the initial discomfort, I might simply have basked in all the laughter and turned away from Him. Thank God for those moments that not only made me pray and depend on Him, but also helped me realise how I've taken several people around me for granted.

Thank God for answering my prayers too. I was praying fervently for our relationships to improve. For a few days, nothing happened. But on the third day in Prague, the whole dynamic seemed to change. There on out, we got along great. Of course, it wasn't perfect, but it did seem like a 180-degree switch. Was I amazed. I knew He'd heard my prayers and answered them. I was just so awed, so thankful, so appreciative of all that I had.

(To be continued...)

Help...

2011-06-13T02:04:00.001+08:00

After three weeks of a fun, relaxing time, I'm missing Europe terribly, and am not looking forward to church camp tomorrow. Yeah, I'll be brutally honest. I'm scared, and I absolutely do not wish to go. I feel like I've been gone so long. My cousins asked if I could just go over to their place for a little while since they haven't seen me for a couple of weeks and will only see me next Friday, but I couldn't find the time to. I miss my family, and I want to just stay home, rest out of my jet-lag, and spend time with them.

I'm apprehensive of the rooming. I'm not saying anything about my roommates, but I'm not close to them at all. It makes me feel awkward.

I'm terrified of the shepherding responsibility. I'm required to shepherd 4 girls, 2 whom I'm not close with, 2 whom I've not met. I don't deny my eyes nearly popped out when I saw my name as a shepherd. Me? Of all people? I know I won't make a good one.

Then that's where faith comes in isn't it? I'm way out of my comfort zone this time, in rooming and responsibility. I can't do it. I can't click with people naturally. I can't lead. I can't reach out. But there's one thing I can do, and that is to trust God with all that I can't. It's always a choice. I can stay in my dread mood, or I can go expecting Him to work. I feel that right now, I do not have the capacity to trust. But let me remember that God is way bigger than my thoughts and emotions put together.

I'm physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually down. Lord, I really, really need You. Please prepare my heart, and work in it...

Don't run out on your faith...

Beneath The Still Waters...

2011-05-10T22:46:00.001+08:00

... Lies a strong undertow.

Empty me of the raging waters

Empty me of the extreme chaos

Empty me of the selfish person

And fill every single bit of me
With You, with You, with You...

Not My Cup of Tea

2011-04-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

If I were to rank my talents, acting would be near, if not at the bottom. I can't act for nuts. And you wonder how I ended up on stage a couple days ago for the Easter drama. Well, I did not mean for that to happen. But let's just say that it was a God-given opportunity, one I'm incredibly thankful for.

It was a humbling, but enriching experience. On one hand, I struggled to get myself into the role, struggled to express myself, struggled to let loose, struggled with the fear of going on stage. I would play the scenario of my legs crumbling or my heart jumping out of my mouth right before I went on stage in my mind, and I would feel all afraid. Sounds silly, but those were the thoughts that ran through my mind. I was afraid. Yet on the other hand, I was pumped. I knew I couldn't do it in my own strength. And that would be the perfect opportunity to fully depend on and glorify Him at the end.

I'm just overwhelmed by how He's worked through me. It was no perfect performance I put up that day, but I know that I couldn't have done it without Him. That was truly His strength manifest in my weakness. It's simply amazing. I remember how my heart was beating so quickly last Christmas before I went on stage to narrate. But this time, He took away my nerves and I managed to remain calm all the way till I made my appearance. Thank God for His peace, and for helping me remember my lines!

I can't help but think about this constantly - there're so many people out there who're tons better than me, so many people He could've used, but He used such a weak vessel in me. I'm thrilled, I'm blown away, I'm nothing but privileged.

Thank God for His hand upon the entire drama too. We saw how everything went wrong during the rehearsal the night before and on the actual day itself but when it came to the actual shows, everything clicked. The slides, video and audio clips, lines, everything. WE couldn't have done it without Him.

Acting... Still isn't my cup of tea. And so are many other things. But it's really in such situations that we truly learn to depend on and surrender our weaknesses to Him. It's scary, nonetheless exciting. At the end of it all, I can only look back, stand amazed, and proclaim, "To God be the glory!"

So Small

2011-04-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

My brain was at saturation point from all that intense cramming, and I decided to take a breather along the area between Marina Square and Esplanade. As I soaked in the fresh evening air, gazed at the vast skyline and towering buildings, I felt so small. And it dawned on me that as I was small, so was everything around me and of me. My circumstances, my problems, my dreams, my plans - of which constitute the mountain I've been climbing, at the end of the day, are just grains of sand. In the eyes of God.

I've held much hope for my results this semester. Because I wish to salvage the ruins that my Math modules WILL cause, I told myself that I had to do well for my English and Education modules. I had to get A's. But after what happened last week and what was in my human tunnel-visioned term "a crushing defeat" yesterday, all hope seems lost. So while I was enjoying a short time of worship and prayer with Him just now, everything in my mind just clicked. Those were my plans, my thoughts, my desires. Did I even commit them to Him?

Thank God for speaking to me in those 20 precious minutes. I no longer want to be constrained by my own thoughts. I want to lift them up to Him and trust in His outcome for me. As I begin the battle tomorrow, I want to hum this song in my heart, and truly mean it.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands...

All to You, and all for You.

Thoughts on Counselling

2011-04-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

Firstly, we're done with the presentation for our Counselling module! Thank God for awesome and highly efficient groupmates. The process was draggy at times (well as with most projects), but we got a pretty interesting topic, Depression and Anxiety, to work on, so I've definitely learnt valuable lessons from all that research. Did you know, that 1 suicide occurs every 40 seconds? (Okay don't remind me, I was trying to sound serious while getting this point across but my classmates laughed. Heh.)

No prizes for guessing why we were all in blue

And that concludes the module. It got boring along the way, but I do not regret taking this elective. It opened my eyes to matters concerning other people, and matters concerning myself. For one of the rare times, I can say that I've achieved the objectives of the course - I've learnt useful skills in Counselling that will help me as a future teacher and even as a person, and I've reflected and learnt more about myself in the process.

We were required to go through individual counselling (better termed as Personal Development Sessions) as part of the course. Although I found most of the sessions boring because I had no pressing problems or issues to talk about with my counsellor (even if I had, I wouldn't unload them on a... stranger), the sessions were useful overall. They gave me a clearer idea on my personality and inclinations, and allowed me to reflect on and reason why I do certain things. For example, why do I always say "anything" when people ask where I wish to go for a meal? Why am I so indecisive around people, but the other way round when I'm alone? Yeah, it's pretty interesting on the whole.

There were also weekly role-plays, where 3 of us in a group would take turns assuming the counsellor, client, and observer roles. Interestingly, each time I took on the role of a counsellor and my "client" bombarded me with his or her problems and feelings of despondence based on real-life scenarios, I'd have the urge to say, "I'll pray for you." But of course, I kept that back because it's not a "tangible" solution. Which leads me to question, how far can counselling help a person? Sure, we can explore solutions with our clients using the lessons we've learnt. But isn't this all too mechanic when you really think about it? After all, there's only One who can save these people from the deepest pits...

All in all, I've enjoyed the course. It's been a break away from the mundane academic courses. Sometimes we get thrown into the hustle and bustle of life and forget there's still a human side to the world. It's been a privilege sharing in people's life stories and experiences, a window view into the future. Stripping away everything that goes on around, I'm still human, and so are the people around me.

And no, I ain't gonna S/U this module. Fight till the end, man!

6 Sessions in Retrospect

2011-03-30T23:24:00.001+08:00

We concluded our support group sessions yesterday. Time flies, it's been 6 weeks. I daresay I've gained a fair bit of insight from these sessions. Perhaps some people do not see the point of the sessions, but to me, each session was extremely meaningful. I'm blessed to have awesome facilitators, and more than awesome groupmates.

I'm surprised by how ready I was to share. This could be attributed to the relaxed, comfortable atmosphere we had. Another reason could be that I didn't know them that well. Yes, it makes more sense to be more holed up with people whom we're unfamiliar with. But for me, it happens to be the other way round. Maybe because we're not that close, they'll probably forget what I say in time to come and it won't matter in the end. But you know, they actually called me the wise one with lots of profound food for thought, the supplier of the "Quotes of the Day". Hahaha. That's pretty cool, 'cos I do hold a secret belief that people will quote me in their books and essays one day LOL. Right... Thank God for His words of wisdom!

As we rounded up our sessions yesterday, someone told me that she really admired something about me. I was taken aback. Though sometimes I do like that trait in me, other times it's really my downfall in life. Anyhow, I thought we had a pretty sweet ending to our sessions. I'm gonna miss the little gatherings, them calling me "Orange", and all the laughter we shared.

Thank God for the 6 sessions. 21 years of my life were put into perspective, not to mention having the privilege to listen to others' life stories, with the last two sessions discussing each of our greatest strengths, weaknesses, failures, and successes. This, I haven't given thought to before, so it was hugely interesting. Well, I guess I learnt a little more about myself in the process... At least, it made me reflect a lot.

And the main takeaway I have from the 6 sessions is that who we are today is largely made up of what we went through yesterday. Some of us have been through difficult times, crushing moments, and we thought we could never come through, but we did and are all here today. It's a reminder that everything happens for a reason. For His reason. There's gonna be more to come in the future, but what can we not go through? 'Cos at the end of the day, there is Hope.

Walk and Not Faint

2011-03-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

There are times in our spiritual lives when we soar. Every prayer of ours is answered, God is using us mightily, we're doing things we've never done before, we're flooded with strength and wisdom beyond our abilities.

There are times we're not soaring, but are still able to run and not be weary. Life doesn't seem so effortless, there aren't many miracles, there's frustration, but there's still an inner joy as we continue running the race for Him.

And there are times when we're neither soaring nor running, but simply walking. Walking and trying not to faint. Life's burdens seem to have gotten the better of us. We don't seem to be very fruitful, don't seem to have a breakthrough. But we're hanging on.

These are condensed, paraphrased thoughts from John Ortberg's If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat. I've never interpreted these verses this way. I certainly draw loads of insight from these thoughts.

And I think I belong to the last category of people right now. Maybe I'd paint a different picture of someone struggling out at sea, desperately holding onto a lifebuoy and trying not to be defeated by the waters. I'm kicking but going nowhere. And I'm fearful of what's to come. The thought of it overwhelms me. But you know what? I'll hang on. 'Cos the Lifebuoy is all I have. And the Lifebuoy will bring me to shore.

Thank You For the 21st

2011-03-14T23:27:00.004+08:00

My 21st came and went.

But I couldn't have been more thankful for any other birthday.

I didn't intend to throw a party - neither was I expecting much.

The first surprise came on Friday morning, from Sarah, Charlotte, Amantha, Calvin, Joanne and Silk. Half of them weren't even supposed to be in school. So thank you, especially to Amantha, who travelled all the way down from Tampines.

The second was from the Easter musical drama team. All of them pretended not to know about my birthday. But when I entered the basement office, I was greeted with a birthday song and 21 cupcakes arranged in the shape of a key, courtesy of Alanie. Thank you for the key to freedom, haha. And it's evident why the drama team is called the drama team. ;)

The third was from the Youth leaders after our meeting. Some of them called it pathetic, but I thought it was incredibly funny. As I said, I wasn't expecting anything, so any inkling of a surprise is still a surprise. Thank you for the ice cream!

So, that was it, I thought. But the real surprise came the day after, whereby all of my family members came down to celebrate with me, together with my friends. I never saw that coming, well, maybe until I was blindfolded. Thank you to those who put in so much effort planning, coordinating, settling the logistics, and designing. Thank you, everyone, who was a part of this unforgettable surprise. Most importantly, thank God how everything worked out so beautifully.

Of course, thank you all for the wishes as well.

My heart truly overflows with thanksgiving. Words can't describe exactly how I feel, so with every ounce of sincerity in me... Thank you, all.

Thank You, God. :)

Stepping In

2011-03-11T00:40:00.001+08:00

I've been dreading it for a while, but the day has come. "Happy birthday..." So I should be happy, right? I'll embrace the day. :)

Thank God for the past 20 years of my life. For the entire journey, for the experiences, for the people that have been a part of it, all of which helped shape who I am today. It's unbelievable how I've lived two decades on this earth.

As I step into the third, I thank God for His goodness that has been and is to come. I never made any sense of birthday wishes. But if there were one wish I could make this day (and all my life), it'd be to live for Him and walk so closely with Him every moment.

It's all Yours. :)

The Little Things

2011-03-05T20:48:00.005+08:00

I remember how I was praying before drawing my oral topic. I prayed that He'd let me draw whichever topic that He wanted me to. I reached my hand into the envelope, rustled the pieces of paper, and pulled a slip out. I glanced at the question, and I felt helpless. My topic required me to convince an audience of Sec 4 NT students on the benefits of the "Use Your Hands" campaign. Several friends around me had audiences of parents, teachers and board of directors, and at that time, I really wished that either one could have been my audience instead. Cos I knew that it would be so much easier for me to deliver a serious speech to adults, than an engaging speech to students. (I'm no engaging speaker!) But since I'd already prayed, I felt that I probably drew that topic for a reason...

That did not stop me from feeling traumatised though. I immediately shoved it to the back of my mind, thinking that I'd prepare it when it was way closer to the presentation day, which was this Wednesday. Over the weekend, I asked around for suggestions on how to deliver my speech, to no avail. When it drew nearer to Wednesday, I was extremely worried. That was probably the first time since my PW OP days that I felt so afraid of a presentation. Cos I just couldn't think of an engaging way to deliver my speech, yet at the same time, this presentation is a huge component of my course grade.

I finally wrote my script on Tuesday, one day before the presentation. I wrote it the best I could, ran through it a few times, and decided not to practise anymore, as I'd already felt defeated by the topic. It wasn't till 20 minutes before ALK that I attempted to run through my speech once. And it was a disaster. I skipped an entire paragraph, blanked out and couldn't remember my first point, and then blanked out again and couldn't remember my second point. I began to panic big time. But it was time for class and I had no chance to practise it anymore.

The presentations kicked off with the first person. (I was the ninth.) I started to feel nervous. By the time it got to the fourth/fifth person, my heart was thumping so hard I thought it could just jump out of my mouth. And then, I prayed. I told Him how scared I was, told Him that I couldn't do it, told Him that I really needed Him. Almost immediately, my heart stopped thumping so quickly. His peace just came over me that instant, and I was amazed. I sat through the rest of the presentations before mine, calmer than before, but all the time still praying.

My turn came. I went up and when I faced the class, I felt a sudden motivation to give it my all. The timer clicked, the cameras rolled (yes, we were all videoed by two cameras), and I began my speech. I couldn't have asked for a better audience. They were all so supportive, so responsive, it spurred me on, giving me more and more energy to speak. I thank God for His enabling, that I could remember everything that I wanted to say! Well, I did blank out for an instant at my third point. But somehow, the class was still amused by what I said before that, so on the pretext of "giving them time to react", I recalled the point just in time. Wow, thank God indeed. I find it almost shocking that I managed to engage the class somewhat. But I knew that it really was His strength in my weakness. Thank God for the class. And thank God for the Q&A session as well, for Yasmin giving me a question that I could answer. (Of course, I threw her a question that was simple yet allowed elaboration as well! And BTW, I love her confidence in presentations lol.) You have no idea how liberated I felt when the whole thing was over!

On hindsight, I couldn't have asked for a better topic and audience. For the amount of worry I had before the presentation, I actually had fun while I was doing it! Thank God for that, really. Thank God for His strength and most importantly His presence throughout. Thank God for having seen me through! And it amazes me that even in little things like this, He is still in control! :)

Not By Feelings

2011-02-15T23:01:00.003+08:00

Because I said yes all too quickly. Because I went with obligations rather than emotions. Because I felt that changing my mind would make me seem so irresponsible. Because Matt. 5:37 says, to let our "yes" be "yes"...

That is why I'm in a state of regret and unhappiness now. How am I getting through Friday after Friday, meeting after meeting, all the way till April? But I suppose I did what's required of me... His grace is sufficient, no?

I've always been a very emotional person. I do what I want to do, I do what I feel like doing, I escape from what I do not want to do, I refuse to do anything that I do not feel like doing. But over this past week, the Lord has been teaching me so many things about this. For one, the project. For another, reaching out to people I do not feel comfortable with. Still another, going for certain activities. All these I wanted to turn down, as I did not WANT to do what I did not FEEL like doing. But somehow, a reminder kept popping up at the back of my mind. To stop depending on feelings. Step out in faith. Stop depending on feelings. Step out in faith. Stop depending on feelings. Step out in faith...

I thank God for His grace to put my feelings aside. I was deeply encouraged over the weekend. Saturday's outing was awesome. Sunday's Street-E was amazing. It was the first time I was placed in a "mentor" position. I was so worried, as I was usually paired with someone more experienced than I am who could "bail me out" when I was stuck. Not this time. This time, I was to guide. But thank God for His enabling, for just giving Daniel and me words to say. And thank God for Daniel, I'm just so blessed by his heart in wanting to reach out to the lost. Looking at him going up to strangers, asking them introductory questions... It just made me feel ashamed of myself. What was I doing at 15? Gossiping about the whole world, I'm serious. So anyway, we met with much discouragement and distractions at the start. Until we got to the last two people. One of them didn't really seem to be listening, so I just did my best to share, concentrating on the other lady. When I got to the decision part, I was nervous. (Cos I always get stuck there and have to wait for my partner to jump in.) But at that time, I knew I had to ask for her decision. I was just blown away when she made a profession! That was a first for me. Thank God for having led us to the one whose heart was ready. Thank God for working in this dear lady's heart, and for giving me wisdom in speech. Thank God for a great partner as well! I'm gonna cherish the last few weeks I have for Street E...

Thank God for Valentine's Day yesterday. It was a nice evening spent with the two singles and one couple. Thanks Charlotte for the gifts! (She drew my name for the gift exchange and I drew hers.)

And today, seems to be the day of goodbyes. Goodbye my friend, I never really thought that I'd actually miss you when you're gone but I apparently will. Goodbye to you, your departure came as a surprise to me but your contributions to the family will not be forgotten and I wish you all the best. Goodbye my favourite professor, English modules will never be the same without you but I trust that you'll continue to impact and inspire lives wherever you go. Take care, and God bless.

Teary eyed...

Sentimental Moods

2011-02-07T01:17:00.004+08:00

Thank God for this year's Chinese New Year. I daresay it's the best I ever had. Maybe the atmosphere wasn't there. But what I love about it is its simplicity. More importantly, the time I spent with my cousins. I enjoyed myself so much, and I really thank God for this relationship we can have with one another. And you know, what tops it all is that my relatives said that I've changed. This, I know, can only have been brought about by Him.

So after the past few days, I'm officially in one of my "sentimental moods" again. Yes, I've decided to term it that way. Maybe this is the cause, maybe it's not, for my slight emo-ness today. I've been feeling this since the year started and it's only becoming more evident. For some strange reason, I feel that a certain group of people have become strangers to me once again. The relationships built last year, all of a sudden seem to have dissolved in an instant. But of course, maybe it's just me. You know how we often blame the world when something goes wrong but never ourselves? Perhaps that's just what I'm doing. Perhaps I'm the one who has yet to tear down those walls.

I was just telling someone, if I were to live by my feelings, I would've left. But I really don't think this is what the Lord would have me do. The grass always seems greener on the other side. But this is probably just a momentary, a fleeting thought that will eventually pass. Because I just want to have fun. But when we go deeper, I suppose it is best for me to stay. Well, I said that I would give myself at least a year. And I will keep to what I said. At least a year...

Thank you for the little things you did. I wish I'd spoken to you more, told you how I felt. But well, what you did, insignificant they might be to you, warmed my day a little. :)

Once Upon A Time

2011-02-01T23:49:00.003+08:00

There once lived a little girl. This little girl was like any other. She looked forward to Chinese New Year each year, because that meant extra playtime with her cousins, loads and loads of new year goodies, and the once-a-year opportunity to collect red packets from house to house. It was an exciting occasion for her.

A few years passed, the little girl was little no more. Teenage angst set in. Bitterness crept in. She felt that she was too cool to be playing with her kid cousins. Family talk annoyed her. Reunion dinners were a hassle. House visitation became a chore. Gone was the joy of celebrating Chinese New Year. What took its place, was a dread for this time of the year. She hated reunion dinners. She hated visitations. But she had to go nonetheless. She pulled a long face each year to show that she'd rather be anywhere else but celebrating Chinese New Year. Her mum would ask her why she had to look so angry. She frowned even more. This went on for a good number of years...

2010 came. Somehow, the hatred for Chinese New Year dissolved. While she could not relive the childhood excitement of celebrating this festivity, she no longer felt so strongly against it. She began to lighten up and slowly embrace the season.

Today, 2 days before Chinese New Year, this girl is looking forward to it once again.

No prizes for guessing who the girl in question is. There're no "somehows" to this. God can change perspectives. God can change attitudes. God can change hearts. These people are no longer mere people. They're souls. Precious souls...

You know it ain't easy. The introvert remains. But start by giving a smile, I guess.

How will it go? I pray that it'll be something different.

Today, I'm looking forward to Chinese New Year. :)

Results

2011-01-21T00:10:00.002+08:00

It's always a heart-attack moment when I check for my exam results. It was no different on Tuesday. In fact, it was a freaky instance. A few of us casually mentioned the release of results, wondering when that would be. Seconds later, an SMS came in saying that the results had been released! Talk about speaking of the "devil"...

I am simply overwhelmed with thanksgiving for my results. Words can't even express how happy and thankful I am! Granted, my GPA isn't fantastic. But don't they say, beggars can't be choosers? It makes no sense for a failure in Math to expect a First-Class Honours GPA.

Firstly, thank God that I passed both my Math modules! That was the biggest worry for me. Beginning of the semester, I never saw myself being able to pass. I struggled big time for both modules, so much that the idea of completely dropping Math came to mind. The only reason I continued on was all the hassle involved. Over the semester, I never really understood any of the lectures, never once passed any of the Math tests, never did well for the assignments. I remained clueless even up till a couple of days before the exams. It was only during the one to two days before each paper that I started cramming concepts into my head. When I look back on the meagre effort I put in and how I blanked at least 35 marks of the paper for each module, it's a miracle I passed. (And got 2 grades above a pass for one of them. Like that's super fantastic, but it's an added consolation, lol.) And it's a miracle done by Him.

The only thing I hoped for prior to the release was to pass my Math. I didn't care if I were to get a C for the rest of my modules. In fact, I was sure that I wouldn't do well for the rest of the papers as well and would see a major dip in my GPA. But by His grace, I got 2 A- grades for my English modules! That was a crazy surprise for me. I feel that I hardly put in any effort for both modules. One in which I crammed in a day, the other in 3 hours. After each paper, I felt like I was toast as I completely smoked my way through and my answers were so different from everyone else's. Also for one of the modules, I did pretty badly for my assignments. Based on calculations, I reckon that I must have gotten at least an A for the exam to get such a final grade. Which seems so impossible when I think back on the nonsense I wrote. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the grades. I know it's just so impossible and I really do not deserve it. His grace never fails to amaze me...

For the past three semesters, I've been pleasantly surprised at my results. But I would say that this is the first time I'm truly, truly thankful. Not that I wasn't thankful in the past. But with my thanksgivings came laments on how my GPA would have soared if not for Math pulling my grades down. There was always an element of human nature - our ability to complain about anything and everything - involved. I guess the reason why I'm so thankful this time is due to how much I struggled last semester. It was a tough time throughout. Even the exam period was tougher than usual. I had to juggle other commitments, did not have much time to study, spent my entire study week doing anything but study, felt utterly depressed and discouraged. The fact that I survived all that and obtained results like this, it's just sweetly unbelievable. Yeah, there really is a reason for everything He puts us through. The past semester's struggles have really made me so much more appreciative of what I have.

I pray for humility. In times like this, my head gets big and I start thinking to myself how smart I am. But truly, that was His strength made perfect in my weakness.

Thank You, Lord!

Thanksgivings for 2010

2011-01-05T22:14:00.004+08:00

This came a little late, but better late than never yeah.

2010 was an amazing year I'd say. I learnt so many things, did things I never imagined I'd be able to do, saw God work in marvellous ways, experienced Him so real and close, served Him and worked with people I never did before. It had its rollercoaster moments, and that was what made everything so exciting.

I started the year with school and DHSCO commitments that took my weekends away. There were weeks I couldn't attend church and somehow, I was secretly happy. That was the starting point of a cruise in the first half of the year. A cruise away from the Lord. School was fun. The company of my friends was great. It was because of them that I looked forward to going to school everyday. And that was the very reason I turned to the comforts around me instead of the Lord. I was just spiritually down.

It came to a point that I was sick of my lifestyle. I had a 4-month long holiday, and I knew I had to make it productive. Thank God for Church Camp 2010. It wasn't a camp with spiritual and emotional highs and shedding of tears during altar calls, but I daresay the Lord really worked. I was stirred to think of things I never really thought of before, one being my parents' salvation. I was blessed by the reminders from Pastor Jaspers' sermons, as well as the fellowship and prayer with the ICE girls each night.

Then came the highlight of the year - the Philippines Evangelistic Campaign. That was simply an incredible experience, one I never dreamt I'd be a part of. It was way out of my element and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it in my own strength. I'd wanted to see God do a work in me that no one could do. And He did. He showed me so clearly that we can all walk on water, if we're only willing to step out of the boat. I'm glad I did. It's so wonderful to put our little seed of faith in a great God and have Him do the impossible in us. I'm still amazed by what He's done. But while this is something so huge to me, I have to remember not to limit God. There are no boundaries to His greatness, and I have to trust that there're huger things still to be done.

The second semester of school wasn't that great. In fact, it was a stark contrast to the first semester. I had the crappiest timetable ever, I was separated from my close friends for my classes, and my timings clashed with everyone else's so we could hardly meet. I was miserable, but I realised God was teaching me lessons. Indeed, I was so dependent on my friends in the first semester that He had to take them away and shift my focus to Him. I'm thankful for the tough time I had. There were nights I would just lie in bed crying, but I felt so comforted to have Someone above who understood all that I was going through and was always there for me. That was a lonely period, but it drew me so much closer to Him. And having seen Him do the impossible in the Philippines, I just had to trust that He could do it again.

It was then a mad rush to the end of the year. I picked up several responsibilities, served in more areas, struggled for my exams. Along the way, I was worn out and discouraged. But once again, God showed Himself strong by proving that He's always dependable, and He answers prayer. I learnt valuable lessons, such as the need to do what I do because of Him and no one else, and to focus on Him instead of my feelings, people and circumstances. That said, I'm very, very thankful for the many opportunities I had to serve Him this year. Thank God for the privilege to work with different people as well.

Of course, thank God for the people He brought alongside me. Thank God for...

Valerie. I'm still extremely amazed and thankful for this friendship. We can go months without meeting each other, yet the closeness is still there because we're always on the phone (lol). Thank God for a sister whom I can talk, cry, and laugh about everything with. Honestly, if not for this life testament of God's love and goodness, I probably wouldn't be where I am today.

Chia Wen and Jean. My beloved DG (that has disbanded LOL) mates! Thank God for the High Quest times where we'd share openly about each week we'd gone through, and the accountability as we prayed for one another over the weeks. These two have been tremendous blessings to me, and I really thank God for the privilege to be a part of this DG. I don't know if we'll still get opportunities to sit down and catch up like before, but well, friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them. Thank God for the friendship.

Catherine and Amelia. My crazy sisters... Thank God for the opportunities to hang out more often towards the end of the year, for the sharing, worship and prayer times we could have, and for all the fun, joy, craziness and laughter. These two are just awesome company, and I'm really thankful for these dear sisters. Greater times to come. And not to mention, we have uniforms.

Janice. She's like a big sister to me, someone I can really tell my problems and struggles to and who'll give me advice and pray for me. Thank God for how she's always asking how I am, how's my walk with the Lord... These seemingly little things do show that someone actually cares, and it means a lot. Thank God for her support ministry-wise as well, otherwise I probably would have already thrown in the towel.

Ray, Jill, Hock Cai, Siqian, Rogan, Cheryl, who've taught and encouraged me so often, listened to my woes, prayed for me, hung out with me, and just been great blessings to me.

Vivian, Nicholas and Vanessa, my dear cousins. Thank God for my relationship with them, which has become a lot stronger this year. I'm deeply blessed by their relationship with one another, it's always endearing to see the love among siblings. I'm thankful for their love and support and the great times spent with them.

SCACZ (Sarah, Calvin, Amantha, Charlotte, Zenn). Thank God for school friends, who've made school life much more bearable. We hardly met up during the second semester, but I'm thankful for the times spent in the first. Not forgetting all the fun and random things we did together.

Daniel. Thank God for allowing us to first meet during practicum. It's been great getting to know him better. Thank God for the lifts to and from school, and for the long train rides back where we'd just share thoughts and stuff. Of course, he knows so much more than me and it's always nice listening to his thoughts.

Megan and Shihui. Sometimes, it's nice to have people with the same subject combination who're equally slack to (attempt to) study and moan about Math with. Hehe.

Lam Lee, Cristal, Yuqian, Joanne. I guess we've each changed over the years and we don't meet up so often now. But they always say, our secondary school friends will stick with us. I'm thankful for this group of friends who've been with me since my secondary school days. Thank God that we will still find time to meet up once in a while.

Thank God for 2010, for all the happenings, for every single person He's brought into my life. Looking back, this was the year I grew in faith and learnt to say "yes" to God more often. Thank God for what He's done in my life. Of course, thank God for who He is. Now that 2011 is here, it's time to embrace it, and expect even greater things in the year ahead. Because He is far greater than we can ever comprehend.

2010-12-29T22:21:00.002+08:00

It's been a draining month. One important lesson I've learnt, it is always a privilege to serve, but the moment the focus is off, the joy is lost. As the song goes, not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.

I let pride get in the way. I allowed negative thoughts to seep into my mind and drive me mad. I put my own convenience and comfort above others'. I fell down the spiral of discouragement. Before I knew it, I was no longer happy serving. I was tired, I was down, I was angry. I wanted to raise the white flag and say "I quit", but there was just so much to be done, I had to go on. And I wanna thank God for His strength that helped me continue.

It was a drag while I was there. I didn't enjoy myself and I couldn't wait for it to be over. When it finally concluded, I thought to myself, "Finally. I wasn't blessed by it at all." But God really rebuked me. Looking at the video, even though I did not directly get anything, the people around me and those whom the whole thing had been planned for, certainly did. God opened my eyes to how selfish I was, wanting the immediate benefits of anything I did. Well, I'm glad I didn't get any. I'm glad I stayed forgotten and hidden. Only then could I have witnessed the big picture, and how God's hand was in it throughout.

Thank God for the Christmas musical that just passed. This was something different from what I've done. There was greater involvement, deeper relationships, and more setbacks it seemed. I remember how everything was a mess initially. I'm not one to voice my opinions, but this time, I felt a tug and a pull and I knew I had to say something. Thank God, that the team began to seek Him in prayer each time before we began our practices. I was deeply encouraged. More difficulties arose along the way that totally stressed me out but I later felt was God's way of telling me to do something different this time. Blessed are the flexible...

The battle was so real. The rehearsal was a complete screw-up. Everything went wrong, people were frustrated, we had no idea how we could put up a decent performance just two days later. But by God's grace, we did. On Christmas morning, bad news came in for one of our cast. It affected all of us hugely. We could only pray. As I saw her seemingly unaffected on stage each session, it struck me that this strength and peace within her could only have come from Him. I was so blessed. Not only did He show Himself so strong, He proved once again that He is a prayer-answering God. That was an amazing, amazing testimony. It's incredible how the whole musical was put together. It seemed impossible at the start. But we're reminded once again that He can do the impossible, if we'd only come to Him in faith and trust. Thank God for His presence with us, thank God for using weak vessels like us to put together the entire musical. I'm amazed, I'm blessed, I'm honoured to have been a part of this.

To God be the glory!

2010-12-13T02:28:00.003+08:00

Thank God for the sermon today. It seems like I actually went through everything in one day. No kidding. Well, maybe a milder version of it...

I have no idea what came over me today. Sometimes, the stress of the world just closes in on you and you crack. I did. Assignment after assignment, practice after practice, preparation after preparation, event after event, exam after exam, more events after events, all this since mid-November. And with the news that came in on Wednesday, the slapping reminder, the feelings of remorse and helplessness... I guess it really took a toll on me, emotionally.

I was glad to have these opportunities to serve. In fact, I still am. But sometimes, we get so on-the-move, we forget the sole purpose of serving. And sometimes, we just keep doing, doing, doing because it's expected of us, and at the end of the day, what does all that hard work boil down to? What if no one remembers anyway? What if all the time we were labouring, down to the very instant we feel so dry and tired deep inside, and no one knows, no one remembers, no one cares?

God just works in amazing ways. When I answered the call of this dear sister, I couldn't even talk properly, I was in tears, an emotional wreck. An hour and a half later, I put down the phone, all smiles. Because God really used her to speak to me.

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Galatians 6:9

Such a familiar verse, but it indeed hit home this time. Sometimes we feel that our work is in vain because no one recognises it. But we're not doing all this unto man anyway. Forgotten, misunderstood, trivialised... God acknowledges, He remembers. So truly, let's just give our best in what we do, not for any humanly recognition or credit, but for the sole glory of God. Yes, it's a reminder to me. And it's unbelievable how this came at the perfect moment. I thank God for that, and I thank this dear sister of mine.

I'm worried that after the Christmas musical, I will crash and burn. But now's not the time to think of such things. I need to get my focus right. I need to stop letting negative thoughts rule my mind. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus. Hey, after all, I'm doing this for Him.

Thank God, and thank you. :)

2010-12-05T00:52:00.005+08:00

The study break just passed with me studying a mere 3 chapters of Math. Man... But nah, I shan't moan about my motivation problems. What's the point anyway.

So... Much of this week was spent in preparation for the Literacy Camp on Thursday. I'm really, really thankful that it went well! I'm glad that the children enjoyed themselves. Really, all glory goes back to the Lord for this. I remember we were told that there would only be 17 children, and the number of helpers we had almost came up to that number. We were worried that the huge number of helpers would intimidate the children and were about to ask some of them not to go. But somehow, we just thought that it would be nice to have everyone go. Turned out that on the actual day, there was just the right number of helpers to pair each one up with one child. No more, no fewer, but just right. It certainly aided in the personal interaction aspect. Thank God for how it all worked out!

Thank God for this opportunity to serve in an area out of my comfort zone. The moment I was asked to be in-charge of this, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to pull it off on my own. (You know how disorganised, indecisive and last-minute I am.) What's more, I haven't really worked with children before. That really forced me to depend upon the Lord and commit my weaknesses to Him. Throughout the planning process, I was really humbled and blessed by how the team, though much older and much more experienced than I am, willingly supported and helped me all the way. It was like, I would come up with the activities and the next moment, all the materials needed would have been settled. I'm just so thankful for the team! And it really wasn't by what I did or how I led that made the programme successful. Because on that day, other than being the emcee, I was really just walking around. Thank God for the team and every single labourer, thank God for how He made the whole event work out.

I'm really thankful for this dear sister as well. We were walking to the bus-stop from Adam, and she said that she wanted to stop by at church because she felt led to pray for my exams. So we did, and I'm so encouraged by how God works sometimes. Then we were on our way to the bus-stop, in the rain, under the umbrella, and we broke out into a song.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with Your hand

And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You

And I wait on You

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

And as I'm sitting here, I realise how apt this song is. It's been 2 years of an incredible journey. Through it all, I can only say that He's been faithful.

Blessed 2nd... :)

2010-11-29T00:33:00.003+08:00

I'm writing the past week's frustrations in the sand. May the winds soon blow them all away, never to be seen again...

I'm alarmed by my schedule for this week. It's supposedly my study break, but all 7 days have already been taken up. 3 days for the Literacy Camp, 5 days for the Christmas Musical, however many days for the Uth Camp preparations, the usual weekend stuff, and my mum's birthday that falls on this week. How now, brown cow?

I'm not complaining. I very gladly took on all that I did. And it's exciting. With this major clash of events and severe lack of time, I'll really have to depend on Him to manage my time properly and prioritise my activities. I have no idea how I'm gonna survive the next one month. But His grace is sufficient.

At the end of the day, may I be doing all this not just to serve, but because I love You.

2010-11-20T03:10:00.002+08:00

So the number of Christmas Musical practices has suddenly increased fivefold. I'm definitely for it, I believe we need it. But there I was, looking at the schedule for our practices, with a separate to-do list running in my mind simultaneously. Well, it's just that time of the year when everything piles up.

Music recording, 2 assignment deadlines, 1 major test, practices

Study break, BASC Literacy Camp, practices

Exams, practices, probably the Uth camp preparations

Exams, Uth camp, practices

Rehearsals... And CHRISTMAS!!!!!

But I'm so thankful for the privilege to serve in the various areas. I'm excited at how the Literacy Camp will turn out under my leadership (you know how I'm no born leader, it just makes me depend on Him all the more to do this). I'm excited for the souls that are gonna come in during the Uth camp. I'm even more excited for the upcoming Christmas musical. Thank God for the opportunity to help a friend by doing the recording. I ain't complaining doing all this... But time is so tight, it scares me. I have yet to start on my slides, I know that they should be up soon, but I know that the next week is just impossible for me to do anything with them. Well, I guess I'll be burning some midnight oil real soon...

Oh, and I'm excited for the exams to start cos I can't wait for them to end.

Sometimes, certain doors don't open. Then you wonder if you should keep knocking. Is it worth standing out there, trying all day to get the owner to open the door?

Even if it isn't... We know that there'd be the One who'll never stop loving. And wants us to do the same.

2010-11-05T01:13:00.003+08:00

So I was a grouchy "night owl" in the wee hours last night. After spending many frustrating hours on this.

Silly-looking program that made me waste so much time and brain juices just thinking of how to write and modify it. Not to mention, my brain was so full of MATLAB, I forgot for an instant how to count decimal places! Seriously...

All that trouble, just to get a simple-looking table like this. But that was just part of the working for something bigger...

Yes, I'm immensely proud of myself for getting the entire table done up. But all of that did not even constitute one question. There was much more to go. Well, thank God, after five hours, five pages, a thousand error messages (thanks to Daniel for spotting my errors cos I just couldn't figure out why my program couldn't run) and endless annoyance, I finally completed the dreadful assignment at some unearthly hour. Only to have the next assignment given out today.

I've been grumbling non-stop about MATLAB for the past few days. So I was hoping that some saint, who shared in my pain, could help me with it. Unfortunately... But don't you think that "scholar" and "fail" don't quite go together? It's either impossible, or plain demoralising.

I'm struggling, big time.

That aside, I've been wondering. I often have people saying, "You're a teacher, you're supposed to..." The fact that I'm going to be a teacher a few years down the road... Does that mean I have to miss out on the realness of student life even when I'm still in university? Do I not have the right to be a student while I am a student? Maybe, that's just the way it is...

But you know that I do my own thing. I will still do.

Well, I'm surprised that I'm saying this, but I am. I have my hands full now.

My blog title says it best.

2010-10-24T00:00:00.008+08:00

You know how they say, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. It certainly seemed like a week gone wrong. It was a rough start, and proceeded to get worse day by day. I felt like the day's current was just pushing me back to shore each time I attempted to swim out. I felt like I was insignificant. I felt like a primary school kid, getting scolded and punished by this... Big, scary person. I felt that any ounce of pride I had left was completely crushed. I felt so tired I wanted to crash. I felt like I was getting summoned onto "judgment seat". I felt terrified. I felt despairingly helpless. I felt suffocated with never-ending work. I felt like screaming out what was in my heart, but there were too many people around. I felt flustered, and extremely stressed. I felt afraid. I felt indignant. I felt so scared I wished a hole would appear on the ground and swallow me up. I felt embarrassed. I felt humiliated. I felt guilty. I felt that I was the saddest person on planet earth.

No kidding, my tears would just flow and I'd sit there feeling very, very miserable. I've been shutting the world out somehow, feeling too sick and tired to hold any substantial conversation with anyone much less talk about my life, getting annoyed... Basically, I've been wallowing in self-pity and feeling extremely sad for myself. Until I came across a devotional passage.

"A Christian worker has to learn how to be God's man or woman of great worth and excellence in the midst of a multitude of meager and worthless things. Never protest by saying, "If only I were somewhere else!" All of God's people are ordinary people who have been made extraordinary by the purpose He has given them. Unless we have the right purpose intellectually in our minds and lovingly in our hearts, we will very quickly be diverted from being useful to God. We are not workers for God by choice."

- Extract from Submitting to God's Purpose, Oswald Chambers

It was easy to be all praise and fire for God right after the Philippines trip where I'd just seen God work miracles and do the impossible. What about when life hits the valley? Is God not the same God that worked on the mountaintop? We don't choose the circumstances we want to be in. God does. And He places us where we are for a purpose. I don't see what good can come out of where I am now. But God sent me to the Philippines for a reason. To learn to put my faith of a little seed in a great God. Trust that He has a reason for whatever I'm going through, that He'll provide His strength, His grace, His love, His wisdom, that He'll use me, that all things will work together for good. After all, it's only when our strength comes to an end that His will begin.

Thank God for speaking to me. And thank God for something that happened out of the blue, something so small, yet so encouraging. God is good, all the time! :)

2010-10-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

When you don't have the energy to talk about your life, just say you're okay.

I've been feeling indignant. My timetable's... Screwed up. My lessons are short, my days are long. I'm separated from friends, even acquaintances, and thrown into a sea of unfamiliar faces. My timings clash with everyone else's. The modules are getting so tough I don't even know what I'm learning and I can't do anything about it. The deadlines and tests come gushing in without stopping. Not even a one-week break, and there's two months to go. I feel that people are talking too much and listening too little. Pushing too hard... To say it the best I can, I'm fed-up.

But God has been speaking to me and teaching me lessons. Sunday's sermon talked about the Cherith experience. The take-home point? The brook that provided Elijah with water dried up. I enjoyed going to school last semester. I hung out with those close friends everyday. They were always just there. I guess I had so much fun in school, I didn't feel like I needed to spend time with Him. Which actually explains my spiritual downness at that time. Well, it's a different story now. I believe God wants to give us gifts. But when the gift takes our eyes off the Giver, He takes it away.

Someone shared recently, that God doesn't take away our comforts to make us uncomfortable, but to shift our dependence onto Him. It's been a tough period. And I can't seem to talk to anyone about it. But each night as I lie in bed all lonely and miserable, I'm just so thankful that there's Someone I can talk to anytime, anywhere, on anything. It shows me how much I need Him, and how much He loves me.

On a side note... That was such a struggle. I was sure it wouldn't turn out well. I prayed not for a good grade, but for a thankful heart despite a bad grade. You gave me a good grade. I didn't see it coming, I don't think I deserve it. But once again, Your grace still amazes me. Humble me, and allow me to give You all the glory. Because based on my own efforts, it's impossible.

I just want to draw near to You.

2010-09-19T23:06:00.003+08:00

When my way seems dark and drear and the future I don’t know

My heart feels so empty as the tears unending flow

When my heart breaks with sorrow and a tempest fills my soul

This one thing I know for sure, my God is in control

His way is perfect, His way is perfect

Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan

His way is perfect, His way is perfect

Take my life and make a vessel purified

God makes no mistakes, His way is best

When the toils of life are come and my heart is worn with care

I faint ‘neath the burden of a cross I cannot bear

When the joy has departed from my sorrow stricken soul

This one thing I know for sure, my God is in control

This hymn describes exactly how I'm feeling now. I feel miserable on the inside. It's been such a struggle. I've been putting up a front. But I don't really wanna break that front. Because what I truly need now is not a listening ear, not soothing words, not sympathy. I need to pray. I need to be fully surrendered. I need to hold on to God's promises. I need to trust Him. I need to turn my eyes upward. I need You.

It's easy to have all that passion and be thankful when everything's going smoothly. What if it's the converse? Am I going to let circumstances affect my walk with God? Am I gonna start on a pathway to destruction? They ask, what comes out of a Christian when the Christian is put in hot water? What's going to come out of me?

If this is what it takes to bring me closer to Him, let it be. He has said that His grace is sufficient. Lord, give me the strength to hold on to this promise. I can only go through all of this with You. And I want to go through this with You.

God is good. He's always there when no one is. He knows every single thing I'm going through. He understands exactly how I'm feeling. He does anything but fail. Indeed, my way seems dark and drear and the future I don't know. But God is in control, He has His reasons, and His way is perfect.

Pray with me, please?

Lord, I need You. I really do.

2010-09-07T19:54:00.008+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 9 - In A (Huge) Nutshell

A short time I was there, but it was an experience of a lifetime. I'm just so amazed by how God works. I remember last year when the church made announcements about the campaign, I thought to myself, "I'm never gonna do such a thing, it's not for me." Who'd have thought at that moment, that I'd be a part of it this year! I never even saw myself being able to share the Gospel during Street E. It just goes to show that God does take us further than we ever dare to imagine.

There were two main reasons why I wanted to go for the campaign this year. Well, I didn't plan on it from the start. But I was sick of being so spiritually down. I'd been so since the start of the year, with a few up moments but that was all. When the long holiday started, I told myself that I had to make the four months count. I had to get right with God. By God's grace, I managed to spend time consistently reading the Word and praying. The church camp was probably a factor as well. It prodded me into the realisation that I've been so apathetic towards people. There are so many out there, including my loved ones and friends, who've yet to know the Lord, but I didn't care. God was somehow telling me that I had to do something about it, but I didn't know what. It was so timely that the very Sunday we returned, there was a meeting on the Evangelistic Campaign, which I decided to attend out of curiosity.

After which began a series of struggles. First, I struggled with the decision on whether to go for the campaign. I thought that it was a good opportunity to take a look at the mission field and do something meaningful with my holidays, but I was also fearful. I was afraid that it would be a rash decision on my part. I spent many days praying about it, and eventually decided to take a step of faith. Then, it was a struggle getting approval from my parents. It was a flat no. But thank God, after much praying, after much asking, the door was finally opened.

The second reason was that I knew I couldn't do it. Preaching the Gospel to an entire class of students is way out of my element. I didn't know how to share the Gospel, neither was I comfortable speaking to a large crowd (I feel awkward even speaking to a small group of people). I thought that it'd be a wonderful opportunity to see what God could do through me. As we always say, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It was a huge step of faith, but I wanted to trust Him, I wanted to depend on Him, I wanted to trade my weakness for His strength. And I can never be more thankful to have taken that step.

It's simply amazing, how God could use a weak person like me to share the Gospel to large groups of students. I'm not an eloquent speaker, I'm bad at expressing what I really want to say, I'm incoherent, and I feel that I confuse people sometimes. But God took all my weaknesses and filled me with His strength. It's incredible. Each time after I gave the invitation and saw many hands raised, I could only marvel at how God used someone so small to accomplish something so big. I can't say enough how amazed I am at what He's done. He made what I thought was impossible, possible. And it all started from that step. Indeed, God meets us at the step of faith we take.

I also thank God that my mum refused to let me go for two weeks. That made me decide to go for the last week, and I thought that it was the best week I could go for. Perhaps it's a biased opinion, but I'm thankful I got to serve alongside people whom I hardly see and talk to in church, people whom I wasn't close with, people whom I didn't know existed (lol). I couldn't have asked for a better combination of people.

The Davao team! Credit to Pastor Mike, who was the photographer.

Thank God for the Singapore team, the SMCI workers, the GPCM members, the Java team, Pastor Mike, Reid, Kim and Ven. It's been a privilege serving together with each and every one on the team. And of course, thank God once again, for the amazing experience. I could write a thesis on it, but that's all on the blog.

This, is only the beginning of greater things to come. Keep taking steps of faith, trust that God will continue to work and do the unimaginable. Because our God is a great God.

2010-09-07T19:27:00.004+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 8 - Tearful Goodbyes (Davao, 14/08)

The week there passed so quickly, it wasn't long before we had to say our goodbyes. I wouldn't have expected myself to cry, but amidst our final hugs and goodbyes, Ate Abigael came up to talk to me with teary eyes and that set it all off. No one saw, thankfully, since they'd already walked off to board the van. Well other than Charmaine, who decided to walk off without me when I seemed so reluctant to leave. Lol. You know, we had all bonded and gelled so well together, it was just so difficult to say goodbye.

It was an amazing week there. Unlike most of my overseas trips where I'd be miserable and missing home the first few days, I enjoyed every single moment of the Philippines trip. Perhaps it was the short time I was there that I made sure I embraced every moment, perhaps it was the warmth of the locals that enabled us to settle in so well... Whatever it is, I'm really thankful to be able to go on the campaign.

So, I was really sad when we were on the plane to Manila. I couldn't believe we were really leaving. Yeah, Alina had to remind me when we were taking off, "it's official". Awwwww man. Each time I thought of the wonderful people back in Davao, I'd feel like crying. Hee. But well, if it's in God's plan, we'll meet again...

2010-08-31T20:04:00.006+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 7 - One Last Time, SMCI Night (Davao, 13/08)

It was the second last day of the campaign and there wasn't much preaching to be done. We hit two schools, and the rest of the day was spent in bookstores, and rehearsing for our skit in the evening. The first class I took, there was this student who asked, "Since Jesus has died for all our sins, does that mean after I accept Jesus, I can continue to sin all I want?" I was momentarily dumbfounded. But thank God for all the analogies used by different people during Street E, I recalled one of them and used it to explain to the student the best I could. Thank God for His guidance! Not only that, it spoke to me personally as well.

I remember James sharing once, that when we share the Gospel, we remind ourselves over and over again about God's grace to us and we're more humbled, more appreciative. It seemed to hold especially true during the preaching in my last class. I was doing the Cross trick. When the water cleared from its dark state, the students were struck. When I added more iodine in and the water remained clear, I was struck. I'd done the trick a couple of times already, but it was that one time that a wave seemed to gush over me and I was so overwhelmed, so moved. It was such a reminder - once a child of God, always a child of God. We can be so distant, we can grieve Him so much, we can turn away from Him, but in His eyes, we're still that clean, perfect child of His, because He has already forgiven us. As the song goes, I am amazed to know, that a God so great could love me so. What unthinkable grace and inexplicable love indeed. Thank God for speaking to me, even through my sharing.

My last Gospel class of the campaign

And then it was the SMCI Night! The Singapore team put up a skit for all the students. Thank God how everything worked out! And thank God for the narration. Somehow, the lights weren't turned on so I wasn't able to look at the script, so I had to memorise it on the spot without looking at it. That was a miracle in itself, so thank God, really. And I wish that Charmaine'd taken a video of the skit instead of my narration, the skit's so much funnier. Hee. Well, thank God for His grace...

The Philippine eagle!!!

I was already starting to feel sad that night, I knew it was the last time I was gonna see some of them. People like Ate Ethel, Ate Kakai, Earll, Dylan... And of course, that was already our last night at Davao. If there was one thing I regretted, it'd be not taking my own pictures.

Ate Ekit did this! How sweet!

Dylan and Ate Ethel! :D

Before we left for the pension house, Ate Abigael came up to me and said, "Ruth, forgive your dad, okay?" The words still ring constantly in my mind. It has to be done. How can I go about so readily and share the Word yet forget about the ones dearest to me? Keep praying, as what people have been telling me during the trip each time I share about my family. Thank God for people like Beverly, Charmaine, Ate Abigael for their encouragement and just reminding me to pray.

And since it was the last night... Party time! With uh, chips and Monopoly Deal. (No durian, thank goodness, phew!) Hahahaha!

2010-08-31T15:25:00.008+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 6 - Work and Play (Tagum City, 12/08)

It was supposed to be a very busy day for us, but turned out that we had plenty of rest time. Well there was this class of High School Year 1s in the morning. Prior to that, I thought that I'd avoid the Year 1 and 2 classes as I'd heard that they wouldn't really understand our English. But on that day, when they called for a volunteer to take the class, I decided to give it a shot. My, were they a bunch of well-behaved students! They were so quiet and attentive, I was really amazed and thankful. And they did understand me (at least I went as slowly as possible and asked many questions to ensure their understanding in which they responded so I assume they did). It's not about me anyway, but what the Holy Spirit does. Oh, and I had the longest autograph session all week in that class. I felt like a celebrity! LOL. But they're sooooooooo adorable! Geez. There was also a group of girls who asked for my favourite colour. After I left the class, they followed me and gave me an orange necklace. I was really touched. After all, they aren't exactly well-to-do yet they were so willing to just give something to a foreigner whom they've only met once. Aww... Totally sweet!

It was a long rest from lunchtime on. We hung around Firenzo Cafe (Pastor Mike's favourite place) just chilling. After which was a short time of sightseeing!

What better way to commemorate the green day than a shot with my favourite fruit!

Say cheese!

Ate Yen! We were asked to take this picture cos we look like those plants behind us - long and thin. So it's like a... Family photo.

Kuya Oliver was about to try something

Now we were gonna try something but as can be seen, it was a failed shot lol.

We did another one or two classes each in the early evening, and it was time for dessert at Chow King!

Waiting for our Halo Halo!

Then began the long, long ride back to Davao. It was nice, being able to talk to Charmaine and knowing more about each other's lives. Whoa, she's like super smart! Man. And I'd lose to her in every game except Tap Tap. Hmph.

And it was a great night in Jill's room, chatting, Monopoly Deal, SUPPER! :D :D

2010-08-23T19:55:00.011+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 5 - Fight On (Tagum City, 11/08)

I decided to use the Cross magic trick that morning, as I figured that high school kids might want something more visual. Alina demonstrated it once, but I hadn't tried it out. That was the first time I'd be doing it in the classroom. I prayed fervently that it would all work out, that the colour of the water would change from dark to normal when I put the Cross in. And thank God, it did! Thank God for Beverly helping me too. But what encouraged me most was that someone texted Ate Abigael, thanking her for someone sharing about Jesus with her. Thank God for using weak vessels like us to bring the Good News to people...

We didn't have room-to-room opportunities at our second school. Instead, we could gather students and start sharing the Gospel with them. I was worried initially. In room-to-room evangelism, everyone would already be in the class ready to listen. But in group evangelism, I was afraid that no one would bother about me. Well I was wrong. I prayed for courage, and thank God for the opportunity to speak to 3 groups of students. It was really nice when students passed by in the midst of my sharing, and joined the group to listen. It was probably out of curiosity regarding this foreigner, but we can never underestimate the power of the Gospel. Thank God for the friendliness of the students and their willingness to listen.

Several of the students from my first group

Thank God for His grace and strength for the rest of the day. One of my evening classes was actually held in a garage. When Ate Melai was leading me to a class, I'd expected a normal classroom of students. When I realised that I'd be speaking to an all-guy class in a huge garage with lots of background noise of the guys working on their cars, I was a little apprehensive. But I knew that it wasn't about the audience or the venue or the conditions, it was about reaching out to the lost. Thank God that the place quietened down, for giving me the voice to battle the surroundings, for giving me ideas to tweak my illustrations to better appeal to the crowd, and for the students listening attentively.

I was just chatting with Alina while waiting for the rest of the team to be done, and we were talking about why we decided to go for the campaign. I was truly blessed by the sharing. It was really encouraging hearing about how she made the decision to go, how it was initially a mere promise but eventually became a sincere desire to serve God. It's remarkable, how God works in people's lives and changes their perceptions when there is a genuine willingness to honour Him. Even hearing about how Charmaine and Pearlyn decided to go, it's just amazing. It's so nice when people put aside their cares and concerns, their doubts and fears, to serve Him. I'm so thankful for them going, and I'm really glad I went!

On top of all that, it was a great rooming with Janice, Beverly and Jill for two nights. The times of talking and praying, having different roommates and getting to know Beverly so much better... It was really nice. Thank God for them! :)

2010-08-23T16:18:00.005+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 4 - The Battle Begins (Tagum City, 10/08)

So began my very first preaching experience. That morning we hit the college, I thought that I would watch someone do it first. Who was to know, Ate Ingrid came up and told me, "Ruth, you'll be the first to speak." I was stunned for a moment but I did not have time to react, I was ushered into a classroom soon after. I was nervous, partly because Hwee Min was at the back watching me. But of course, the moment I was in the classroom, I had to start speaking. I asked the class if they knew Whitney Houston, and there was an initial silence. I thought to myself, "Oh no, this is a bad start." I prayed and asked God to help me, after which there was some response, enough for me to move on. And the Holy Spirit took over. To be honest, I wasn't that prepared. I didn't write an elaborate script like some of them did, I didn't rehearse like some of them did. But God just gave me words to speak, and the whole preaching went smoothly. Prior to that, I wondered if there would even be 5 people who would raise their hands.But thank God for the 29 out of 33 decisions made (I just had to take note of the numbers of my very first class). It was really not me who convinced anyone, but the Holy Spirit who worked and convicted.

Thank God for the rest of the day, where I began to loosen up. I would preach to 7 classes that day and earn the nickname "Robot", but I definitely hope that my preaching wasn't robotic. Only God knows. It was an exciting evening. It was raining, I was upping the volume of my voice, and by the time I did my third classroom, I thought that my voice was gonna go. After I left the room, I was so tired. I saw Hwee Min sitting down resting, so I joined her, thinking that we were gonna call it a day and just wait for the rest to be done. But shortly after, Ate Ingrid told us that there was one more classroom, so one of us had to take it. Hwee Min said that she was tired, so I, uh, got the hint. Lol. But you know, I've never regretted going into that classroom. It was one of the more memorable classes I took all week.

I'll admit, that I went into the classroom because I didn't really have a choice. After having done three classes, the last one was just another classroom for me. I was so tired, I kinda wanted to get it over and done with. Which was probably the cause for the slight struggle I faced with later on. Halfway through, I felt extremely tired, my voice was running, I was stressed as Kim Cheong and Hwee Min were at the back watching, and I was flustered as I was talking about us not having to pay for our sins anymore since Jesus has already paid for them, but the students didn't seem to get it. That was when I knew I really needed to pray and depend on the Holy Spirit. Thank God, for it got better after that. I was calmer, my voice held, and my tiredness seemed to go away.

Thank God for the class as well, they were a really friendly bunch of people. I probably stayed close to an hour in the classroom, they were asking me sooooo many questions. I was really blessed by them, their warmth and interest in a foreigner. They were really nice. And I guess I won't forget them asking me to sing a Singaporean song for them. Which I did, I sang the pledge, and believe it or not, I forgot the words to it halfway. Lol. But they were such wonderful people, I didn't feel embarrassed at all. I really enjoyed my time in the classroom. More importantly, thank God for the privilege to bring the Gospel to them. I don't know how many really accepted Christ, but God knows, and I believe He will continue to work in their hearts.

That was first day of preaching, and I remain amazed at how God enabled and empowered me. I was a totally different person in the classroom, I spoke in ways I never saw myself speaking before, and it is only by His doing. Of course, that was just the beginning, there would be more to come. Thank God for everything going smoothly, for the schools that allowed us to bring the Gospel in, for the friendliness of the students, for the preaching opportunities. :)

2010-08-17T23:20:00.006+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 3 - Chillax Day, Durian Night (Davao, 09/08)

We were supposed to start preaching on Monday. For the new Singapore team, that is. But after taking a short afternoon to prepare for sharing the Gospel, news came that the schedule for the whole day had been cancelled. I was a little disappointed, cos part of me couldn't wait to start preaching! Not that I was prepared, but I was excited. Well, as Pastor Mike always says. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. It was a reminder that we should honour the Lord by taking a day off and not be too occupied with working. And thank God that we do not live by schedules. They change all the time. Thank God for flexibility!

It was a nice afternoon spent at a mall. I was a little sad that everyone else was busy purchasing loads of books (they're really cheap over there) while I had no money to get any (I ran out of money by the third day, believe me). But at the end, it was the fellowship that mattered! Ate Abi, Ate Ishie and Kuya Alfred came with us, so it was a great afternoon spent with them. Just sharing insights on books and sermons... It was really nice. Love my Filipino brothers and sisters! :)

Then came the horror of durian night. For me at least, I was one of the very few who wasn't too excited about the thought of durians. Especially after all the threats of having durian smeared over my face and stuffed into my nose, all I wanted to do was to hide somewhere when the durians were served. Lol! But with Kuya Alfred and some of the others egging me on to have some, I just had to be a sport. And yes, I ate durian! They call it the historic moment. *Cameras out* hahaha.

Jill and I were so proud of ourselves that night. And there's Kuya Alfred looking extremely triumphant.

Whoever took this shot, it looks kinda hilarious.

Ate Abi and Ate Din, eager to celebrate my "Durian Moment"

Davao's durians aren't as bad as Singapore's I guess, at the very least they don't smell like exhaust fumes. I'm no durian-lover still, but... Those at Davao aren't that bad I'd say. And of course, it was all in the name of fun. I had a great night! :) :)

Okay it seems like I'm going on and on about random stuff on the trip. Cos the main course never comes at the start! Hohoho. Check back for more!

2010-08-17T16:50:00.008+08:00

Philippines E-Camp Part 2 - Day at GPCM (Davao, 08/08)

It was our first Sunday at Growpoint Church Ministry. It was really cool, they have this Sunday school whereby different groups (students, working professionals, etc.) will gather for a time of teaching and sharing. Seeing that I was the only student there (the other 4 ladies are working), I was initially a little worried that I wouldn't be able to fit in. But I soon realised that my worries were unfounded. Everyone was really, really friendly. I felt so at home with them! And thank God for using Ate Melai to conduct a great session on Confession. It really spoke to me.

I was really blessed by the people there. GPCM isn't a big church. In fact, it's really small. There was perhaps a mere 30 people during the Worship service. They didn't have a choir, they didn't have elaborate musical instruments. But they had a heart of worship. It was such a blessing seeing the joyful faces as they sang their hearts out for the Lord. These brothers and sisters, they're so thankful just to be able to worship God. It wasn't about the songs, it wasn't about the skills, it wasn't about anything else, it was about God. I was rebuked on the attitude I take towards worship sometimes. And I'm just so encouraged by our Filipino brethren.

It was another relaxing day, with the arrival of the Bohol team, fellowship with the GPCM-ians, hanging out at the mall, and more fellowship in the evening.

Ate Ishie!

Ate Kakai, Ate Abi, Ate Ishie

Ate Ishie, Ate Ethel, Ate Kakai

Dinner!

Random group shot
I'd never thought that I'd be able to get along so well with the Filipino brethren. I thank God for their warmth and hospitality. Back in Singapore, I'd never leave my seat to extend a hand to someone before service. But it was different over there. We were all so happy to be in the place of God. Well maybe it's just me, but I still wanna thank God for them making me feel so comfortable, so welcome, so at home. It's just so easy to approach them, to talk to them, and I'm thankful that God allowed me to meet every single one of them. I've been blessed by some of their testimonies, and it was just wonderful getting to know them better, hearing about their life stories. It's a tremendous encouragement looking at them serve God with great joy and passion. I believe that God will continue to use them mightily for His glory. I miss you guys...

2010-08-17T15:30:00.012+08:00

Philippines Evangelistic Campaign 2010

2119 preaching opportunities

109504 people heard the Gospel

71844 people made decisions for Christ

How great is our God!

It's high time I begin penning down my thoughts on this amazing experience. Honestly, words aren't enough to describe the whole process. I've seen and learnt so much, I'm just overwhelmed. God is just SO good. Bear with me, here goes.

Philippines E-Camp Part 1 - Welcome to Davao! (Davao, 07/08)

We're good to go!

The day finally arrived for us to depart for the Philippines. I was so excited! And it was my first time travelling with such a small group of people, so it was really nice, just to be able to get to know them better. Pearlyn is one interesting lady, I'm telling you. How will we ever forget that four of our check-in bags added up to 26kg, while hers alone was 13kg! Apparently, she brought a pot, flask, pillows, bedsheets, limes... You name it, she brought it. But hey I'm not complaining, they came in handy for us. Pearlyn's Pantry! Lol. That aside, it was a nice, turbulent flight to Manila, and then to Davao. Yeah, they had a good laugh seeing me so scared. But well, it was still fun. We landed safely in Davao and received a warm welcome from Pastor Renz, Ate Melai and Jenray. Thank God for their hospitality! It was a nice time of fellowship over dinner. Yummy chicken and fish!

There wasn't much to do, so it was a relaxing first night there. The pension house was great! Considering that it's a mission trip we went for, I must say that we were treated quite well. It was no posh hotel, but it was so good. Although I nearly died in the cold water, it was just for a night. Lol. Three cheers for the BS Inn! :)

Check back for more updates!

2010-08-05T00:35:00.004+08:00

It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.

Confucius

I don't study Confucianism. This quote hangs above the escalator to the NS line at Dhoby Ghaut. I see it every Wednesday night after Street E, and I'm encouraged by it each time. It's been a step by step progression for me all this while. I never saw myself doing this a couple months back, nor did I imagine that I'd even be willing to do it. But thank God for His provision, and for the encouragement of so many around me. I was amazed just now, and it could only have been His empowerment. Of course, I still have so much to learn. Greater things will come, if I'm only willing to try, and trust.

Thank God for Street E tonight. I was really encouraged. So were the rest, I believe. It just goes to show that He is always faithful. When things got discouraging along the way, when all we met with were closed doors... Thank God for leading us to the one who was ready to hear His Word. It was a wonderful moment. Thank God for working in her heart, thank God for her humility, thank God for her simple yet sincere prayer for forgiveness. Pray that she'll come by this Sunday, and that she'll experience the true joy of knowing the Lord.

I don't know what's going to happen after the trip. But it shouldn't be the end. More challenges lie ahead. Which I can only overcome in His strength.

Meanwhile, it's time to get cracking.

2010-07-26T01:05:00.003+08:00

Time, it makes what has happened on hindsight so amazing.
Who would have thought that one of the kids I mentored 5 years ago would be the Chairperson of DHSCO today. Wow. Wow... And I'm still waiting, for the day when the successor to MY throne comes from my section. It's been 5 years now.
Pardon me, but I've been thinking a lot on the past lately. All thanks to the show No Limits, which has to fuse swimming and music together to evoke those memories. Or may I say regrets. All the while, I wanted the medals but I didn't want to train. I ended up with just one. I wanted the distinctions but I didn't want to practise. I ended up not completing my Grade 8 at all, for both. I wanted the results but I didn't want to study. I ended up where I am today. Well maybe I could feel proud of what I've accomplished with the Dizi. But not like I'm getting opportunities in the present anyway. What's there to speak of now? Well, thank God. It's a reminder that the glorious days of me have been replaced by the glorious days of Christ. It's really not about me anymore, never should have been. Rather, it's about what God can do through this weak, helpless being with nothing to my name. It's a long, long road ahead and at the end of it, all those things that I've mentioned, they don't matter.
Alright, it's time to get back to the present.
God has been good. What was an almost traumatic experience resulted in great insights gained on several aspects I've never really been clear of. Thank God for you guys patiently answering my questions. I'm humbled by the fact that there're so many things I don't know. I've got to really delve deep... Thank God for Street-E. I've been trying to progress bit by bit, and I got to share the whole Gospel for the first time on Wednesday. Amidst stuttering and stammering and lots of dead air. Trust me, I was so nervous I forgot John 3: 16. But thank God for His empowerment and grace, and thank God for all the people He has sent to encourage me. Oh, not forgetting the trio we shared to last Sunday. This Sunday, 2 of them were back there. And they accepted Christ! Praise the Lord! :)
It's about 2 weeks before I leave for the Philippines. I can't say I'm prepared. But it's gonna be so exciting.
And time, it seems to be pulling me too quickly now.

2010-07-17T21:44:00.002+08:00

The week was a dramatic one. Part 2 of practicum was great. That aside, all my activities seemed to collide together in a week. It was kind of a mad rush throughout, settling matters and going places. Tiring, but... Fulfilling, in a sense.

The week in school was a wonderful experience for me. It wasn't fun like last week, but I've definitely seen and learnt a lot more. To me, it was "fun" in a different manner. Last week was honeymoon, this week was reality. The real deal, the kind of environment and people that will be a major part of my life for years and years to come. It was good that I could have an exposure. Perhaps I enjoyed it as I was merely dealing with everything from a spectator's point of view. I probably wouldn't have found it much fun if I were the one having to handle all of that. But it was indeed an eye-opener for me.

I could say that I've been from elite environments practically all my life. From primary school to JC, coming from a family of high achievers... Having seen all that, it was a culture shock. But I realised, that's where the realness of life comes in. It's high time for me to step out of my comfort zone and really take a look at what's out there. Cos I'm not gonna be sheltered all my life. I can shy away from it, or I can walk out and attempt to do something. It's not gonna be easy, especially after I'd seen my limitations. But it will be exciting. When God sees you to it, He will see you through it. I'll keep learning, I'll keep trying.

Of course there were the funny moments too. How I'd laugh so hard during class till I tear-ed, yet had to try so hard to suppress my laughter to maintain my professional image (a few students noticed though), how a class said, "Thank you Ms Desk!" at the end of a lesson in perfect harmony thus amusing me to no end, how an English class almost became a Music lesson, how we'd have so many hours to kill in the staffroom and the 3 of us would be doing any random possible thing while everyone else was busy marking or preparing lesson plans (imagine someone watching videos and another knitting on a table so near the door that everyone walks past).

And how could I forget, the day when the school was so understaffed due to teachers leaving for Oral examinations, they actually had to ask an ignorant Year 1 aka me to take a class for CME. It was a disaster through and through. Thank God Premani was with me! Though she decided to go out of the class to scold a few students, leaving me trying to handle the students. It was an ultimate phail, no one listened to me at all. It was fun talking to them in groups though. And thank God they did what they were supposed to do and handed it in. That was what mattered, so I didn't really care that they were making so much noise and walking all around. Heh. Oh, and something so hilarious happened from this, it led the other trainees to conclude that I might have camouflaged into a student (somehow) and the students probably thought that I was one of their friends. LOL!!!! But anyway, lesson learnt - never enter a class smiling.

I miss the few days spent there. Though I'll be back again next year, it's gonna be so different. Ruth reminded me that I'm gonna be alone for 5 weeks! It should have occurred to me, seeing that I was the only Year 1 posted there this year, I'll naturally be the only Year 2 next year. Please post some Year 3s there! Oh well, I'll think about that next year. I just thank God for a great week, for all that I've seen and learnt. Thank God for the SCM, for the CTs, for the trainees, for every single staffroom and classroom moment. Thank God for the experience! :)

As 1T1 would say it, "Awesome!"

2010-07-14T00:00:00.001+08:00

A friendship of 4 years and counting...

I've said this so many times, but on this special day of yours, I'm gonna say it again. I thank God for you. As I look back, I still find it amazing, how God allowed our paths to cross and we eventually became great friends. I remember you saying to me once, "Somehow God told me to help that brat behind me." You know, funny as it sounds, that probably was the reason I was seated behind you in class 4 years ago. You've certainly helped me in many ways (beyond my Chemistry file). You've been a wonderful testimony, an encouragement, a listener, an advisor. Be it nonsensical or serious stuff, I can share it all with you. Thank God for you being in my life, for being someone I can share so much with, stuff that I don't share with the people around me. Thank you for being there for me, for encouraging me with God's Word, for sharing in my joys and pains, for talking nonsense with me, for hanging out with me. Most importantly, thank God for having placed you in my life to point me to Him. It took me 2 years, but as they say, it only takes a spark to get a fire going. So once again, thank God, and thank you. :)

Blessed Birthday, my Killer friend! :)

Here's to all the years we've shared together

All the fun we've had

You're such a blessing

Such a joy in my life

May the good Lord bless you

And may all your dreams come true

Indeed, that was pretty apt.

ps. I just had to use that picture. We probably look like houseflies, but doesn't it bring back memories! Lol.

2010-07-10T21:45:00.003+08:00

Week 1 of my practicum at Temasek Primary is over, and thank God, it was great. Thank God for the school, the students, the staff, and the trainees. The students there are generally obedient, not to mention funny and adorable! Their little antics really brought to mind all the childish "stunts" that we used to do ourselves. The staff there are really helpful and approachable and of course, thank God for such a wonderful SCM, coordinating and arranging everything for us so well. Thank God for my fellow trainees as well, it made things easier that I knew Jocelyn and Serene beforehand. There were 7 of us (made up of Year 1s, Year 3s and Dip Ed-ers) in the morning session, so it was really great being able to interact with all of them.

I like it that each Year 1 was paired with a senior trainee (Year 3 of Dip Ed-er), so that there would be at least one person for me to talk to even if my timetable differed from everyone else's. Also, it made lessons less boring as well, to have someone to converse (secretly) with during observations! The bad thing was that Alvan, my partner, decided to be on MC for the first two days, so I was all alone on the first day. Thankfully, I got to follow Amelia on the second day, so it wasn't too bad. And Alvan finally came back on the third day, was nice getting to know him better, and to have someone provide the timetable for me lol! :p

Lesson observations passed really quickly. After all, each period in Primary school's only half an hour, and we only had to observe a few lessons per day. I had a fruitful time learning classroom management techniques. Even though they don't really apply to me since I'm in the Secondary track, it was still a good experience. And I was entertained by the kids as well, they're just so hilarious sometimes. The little things they do in class, their nonsensical excuses (which we used in the past) to get out of handing in homework, them turning around periodically to look at us seated at the back... Oh, and I love it when students bow and greet me along the corridors! I really wasn't used to it, but it was so cute of them! Lol.

I especially love the times spent in the staff room, which they call the penthouse (the teachers' common staff room is called the HDB flat, and the HOD office is called the landed property) lol. Since the other teachers located there were all in the afternoon session and there were 7 of us in the morning, we practically had the whole room to ourselves. I really enjoyed our chatting sessions, since we really had nothing to do outside of lessons. Well, the Year 3s and Dip Ed-ers did have stuff to do but they were often chatting with us as well. Thank God for allowing me to get to know the other trainees better, and for several meaningful sharings. And I realised once again how small the world is. Daniel and Alvan were from Tao Nan, and Alvan and Amelia were from Dunman High! But they're 2, 3 years my seniors, explains why I didn't see them around.

I had a little shock on the last day when Mr Fadly all of a sudden asked me to take over the class and teach for a little while. Technically, we weren't supposed to do that. But he said he wanted me to have an experience since it was my last day. So before I knew it, I was teaching problem sums to a class of P4s. It was a cool experience, thank God they responded to my questions. I probably made a few mistakes, but I'm thankful I made them now instead of during the actual Teaching Assistantship which will take place 2 years later. So thank God for the short time of practice!

I'd only spent 4 days there, but those were fun, enjoyable days and I really miss the school now! I miss taking the bus at 6.41am every morning with Amelia, observing a bunch of cute kids from the back, having obedient kids greet me along the corridors, having someone go to class with me all the time, the chatting/stoning/reading times in the penthouse, slacking in the canteen with the other trainees... I just miss the times spent in the school! And I really miss the seniors. Amelia said to me yesterday before she went for her meeting, "Hey, we might never see each other again. So I'll say goodbye first." Man... That was so sad. Well, hopefully we'll see one another again in school somehow!

To the Year 3s and Dip Ed-ers who'll be spending another month there, all the best for the observation by the supervisor! You guys can do it! And to the Year 1s who're all headed to different Secondary schools next week, let's try to enjoy ourselves. For most of us, we're in the Secondary track, so that's where we're ultimately going. And we'll be back there next year for a whole 5 weeks, so yeah, let's try to like our new environments! :)

Thank God once again for the awesome experience at Temasek Primary. I really like it there, I miss those days that had just passed, and I'm sad that I'm never going back there again. But well... It's time to move on.

Next stop, the school beside the reservoir.

2010-07-05T22:08:00.004+08:00

Ignorance is bliss.

But curiosity killed the cat.

I was like, troubled the whole night and decided to sleep on it. I was awakened from my nap shortly after by a knock on the door. I chose to say "I'm tired", shrugged it off, and went back to slumber. Somehow I had a dream regarding that. I can't remember what happened, but it was sad. I woke up feeling confused and lonely. I opened my room door, went outside, and saw a welcoming sight. :)

The world does deal us with so many problems. After facing all of that, all we want to do is just go back into the company of our loved ones. Just being by their side, hearing their voices... It's so comforting.

Sometimes, I realise how I've been taking the people around me for granted and I feel bad, I tell myself not to do it again. But I still do. I'm just so easily affected by the little things. But I'm trying, to be a better daughter, a better cousin, a better friend, a person that loves and cares, by His grace. Lord, help me, and help me to be wholly surrendered, fully dependent upon You.

Thank God for all that He has given me. Thank God that when all else fails, He never fails, when all things change, He doesn't change.

I do keep many things to myself, for many reasons. But even when no one seems to know, when no one seems to care, when no one seems to understand, God does. Thank You, Lord. :)

2010-06-27T06:40:00.005+08:00

I was upset the whole of yesterday, I was upset today, and will probably be everytime I'm reminded of it for the next one year. Just because of one simple thing that I didn't do, I've given myself an additional, unnecessary, to an extent painful burden for a whole period of 4 months. I feel extremely frustrated within me. If only, if only... But what's the use of saying all that now? We can't turn back time. All I can say is, lesson learnt, the hard way.

I wanna thank God. I felt terrible yesterday morning, I couldn't believe they had to call me all the way back just to deliver a one-sentence verdict that could have easily been conveyed through email. I was just... Annoyed, sad, angry at myself. The heavy rain didn't help. But thank God, I was comforted just knowing that He's always here for me. I didn't feel like talking about it. But I can just commit it all to Him. Because He's still in control, and He'll see me through this mess.

Alright, my breakfast is here. As you can see, I'm up bright and early to prepare for service.

Nah, I haven't slept. Basically, I had a night of fun activities. Midnight swimming, followed by Wii at my place, till the wee (hahaha) hours in the morning. My cousins left my place about 2 hours ago, after which I decided to do my own stuff and before I knew it... Well, I might as well not go to sleep since I've technically got to be up in less than an hour's time.

You know, it doesn't take much to make kids happy. Just tell them that you're gonna sit outside with them and they go, "yay!" Yet sometimes I'd be so preoccupied with my own stuff that I wouldn't think twice about the "kids' stuff". I thank God for my cousins, really. I had so much fun with them this holiday, I'm just so thankful for the time we could spend together. To y'all, PRESS ON AT SCHOOL!

And I had a great day with you girls. :)

Who can forget the quote of the day?

"Hey, I can't find Taka. I'm outside Kino now." (Yes, our dear Cristal was referring to the Kino INSIDE Taka.) LOL!

2010-06-24T01:19:00.003+08:00

Praise the Lord, I'm going to the Philippines!!!!!! Although it's only for a week, I'm extremely thankful, and I'm extremely happy. Thank God for opening the doors to a wonderful opportunity to take a look at the harvest out there! :)

I'd been praying fervently the past few days after my mum said no for the first two times. I'd wanted to ask her last night but I didn't have the chance to. I had to ask by tonight, cos they're gonna book the tickets tomorrow. I prayed and I prayed, until I received a text from Cheryl saying that she was gonna ask soon. I thought that I'd ask too, so I prayed a little more and went to ask.

I thank God for the conversation with my mum. Prior to that I'd been praying that God would soften her heart. And He did. Her tone wasn't as harsh as last week, and she didn't bring in the other issues she did the last time to stop me from going. Thank God for giving me the patience as well, to talk nicely with my mum. Cos yeah, the first time didn't go well. Her response at the end of it was that I could go if I wanted to, but her answer would still be no, she wasn't gonna support my decision cos she maintained that it'd be dangerous. I was left confused after that, I didn't know what I should do. I wanted to go, but I wanted my mum's support, and I wasn't gonna get it at that time.

Apparently Cheryl's mum gave the exact same response. And Cheryl said that she was going ahead to book the ticket. I thought to myself, hey, I can do the same thing too! But somehow I just didn't have the peace. I prayed, I asked for advice, and Cheryl suggested asking Hwee Min to speak to my mum to assure her of the safety, since she'd been there 5 times. I asked my mum if she wanted to speak to her, but she said there wasn't a need to, it's just dangerous. So, that was out for me.

Amidst my moments of dilemma, somehow a thought came to me, that perhaps I could ask my mum to let me go for one week instead (I'd been asking her if I could go for two weeks). I went to my mum's room for a third time (by then I thought that she'd have yelled at me for bugging her incessantly) and asked. And she replied immediately, "Okay, when are you going?" I really couldn't believe that. Seriously, thank God, that's all I can say.

Thank God for working in my mum's heart and making a way for me to go. Thank God for everyone's prayers (really, really appreciate them) and reminders to have faith. I admit, I grew doubtful along the way but thank God for these two words that I've been seeing the past few days. Indeed, God will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3: 20

Keep praying for Cheryl, that she'll be able to go with her mum's blessings. Thank God for how He has been working in her life! :)

Now, it's gonna be exciting. Seeing that I've never even shared the Gospel before, let alone share it to a large group of people. I guess, that it's time to go for St. E!

2010-06-19T02:28:00.010+08:00

I was really disappointed. The matter has been on my mind for the past 5 days, I've been praying about it, and I really wanted to hear a "yes". But the answer was otherwise.

An answer that has always come up the first time I'd ask my mum about an overseas trip. Subsequently, it would be a "yes". But I really don't know about this time. My mum's firm about it. It certainly doesn't look like she's about to change her mind anytime soon. And I've only got another 2 days to ask her again.

But I guess it wasn't just her answer that frustrated me. Rather, it was what she said, and what my dad said. It hurts to see someone supposedly on one level thinking on another level. And it hurts when external factors that have got nothing to do with the matter are brought in to be a control over me.

Then again... I've just been brought into the shoes of many people. What used to be so easy for me, is now a whole new ball game altogether. Do I continue to trust, or do I accept it as it is? Do I wait, or do I go on hoping for my way?

As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
Psalm 18: 30

God's plan for me is perfect. Even if I don't think it is, even if it's not what I want, even if I insist on having my way. I'm still praying. If it's God's will for me, He will definitely make a way. If it's not, it's not for me to try and break down doors, but to trust Him for what He has in store for me.

When all things are beyond my control, Lord, You're still in control. Help me to give thanks to You in all circumstances and to trust and be satisfied in Your plan for me. May Your will be done.

2010-06-14T22:05:00.013+08:00

Thank God for the church camp, my first one. I can't compare it to last year's, seeing that I didn't even consider going for that. People have been saying that it's different this year, fewer bonding activities, fewer places to go to, fewer things to be occupied with. I guess it's a little different from the usual camps I've been to. The fact that the withdrawal symptoms weren't that strong (but I still miss the camp), the fact that there seemed to be an absence in the emotional highs, the fact that there didn't seem to be a point in time we all felt connected together. Despite all this, I still feel that it was an amazing camp. I've definitely been blessed by it.

Perhaps sometimes, it's not about the strong surge of emotions or a spiritual high from an altar call but how God has been speaking and working and changing people. As Pastor Jaspers said, change should be constant in a Christian's life. I believe God has spoken to many of us during the camp. He really spoke to me during the sermons on the second and third night, as well as through the testimonies. He has shown me how lightly I've been treating the matter of my parents' salvation, how I've allowed anger and bitterness to reside in me all these years, how I've been treating and even hurting the people dearest to me, how I've been fumbling in my walk with Him, how I've just been grieving the Holy Spirit. It's hard. But it has to be a constant cry-out for strength, for humility. And of course, the willingness to surrender and to depend.

I do miss the camp. The very first day when nearly everything in our room seemed to be faulty and no one really bothered despite us calling the hotel staff at least 4 times, getting up all sleepy each morning for breakfast, going for sermons twice a day, gathering at night to worship, share and pray and knowing people better as a result (I really love those sessions), supper with random people and how Joel drove us out on the last night, worshiping and praying (illegally) in the children's pool, getting squashed terribly on the havoc train, playing with the kids on durian night (and almost getting torn into two lol), the late-night chatting sessions even though we knew we had to get up early the next day (my dear roommates took turns to make me talk to the air each night)... Really, thank God for an awesome camp. :)

Well, thank God for my results too. It's a long story, but whatever it is, God has been so gracious. And I've been so un-thankful, lamenting so much about that one bad grade that I got, overlooking the other grades that God has given me. I've got close to zero chance for the appeal, but it's a reminder to really trust Him, and to give thanks to Him in all circumstances.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Now, it's time to make some decisions.

Keep praying.

2010-06-03T20:52:00.012+08:00

Tears relieve the burning brain, as a shower in the electric clouds. Tears discharge the insupportable agony of the heart, as an overflow lessens the pressure of the flood against the dam. Tears are the material out of which Heaven weaves its brightest rainbow.
F.B. Meyer

This is so beautiful.

It's 4 more days to church camp!

Wait, I haven't told my parents about it.

Whoops.

2010-05-24T00:12:00.004+08:00

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4: 1 - 3

Recently, I've found myself annoyed and impatient with people and things around me. Maybe today especially. There were so many thoughts running through my head, as though I'd been engulfed by a sudden surge of unhappiness from the past and present.

"Why are these people demanding so much of my energy?"

"Why are these people only able to think for themselves?"

"Why are these people bothering me like there's no tomorrow?"

"Why can't these people be a little more understanding?"

It's so easy to say, "These people are so annoying", but not so to be the one thinking less of me, myself and I and the so-called "hurt" that these people have inflicted on ME, and more of, well, these people. I guess, that these verses came timely. Why let such little things strain my relationships? After all, God doesn't love us for what we do but for who He is. Shouldn't we show forth His goodness, His grace, His love...

They always say, that we can't control our circumstances, but we can control our response to them. We can't control others' attitudes and behaviour, but we can control our attitude and behaviour. Grant me the love, humility, patience, understanding. Through reading the Word, through prayer. These I haven't been consistent with the past few weeks. The next few weeks, they'll go one way or the other.

You either start now, or you say later and you never start.

Lord, I really need You.

2010-05-10T22:23:00.002+08:00

Verdant Dreams 2010, the first Woodwind and Percussion concert DHSCO has organised, the first Woodwind and Percussion concert held by a secondary school at an external concert hall (according to Mr Tay). 5 years back, this was what my batch had wanted to do, holding our very own Woodwind and Percussion concert in the school auditorium. We decided on a couple of songs, we came up with a rough poster design, but it never came to pass. It's just wonderful that after all these years, our dream's finally fulfilled! That already broke new grounds, and I'm extremely proud of what DHSCO has achieved.

I guess the sweetest thing for me each time I go back for DHSCO concerts, besides the onstage glamour and adrenaline rush, is the growth of not only the orchestra but also the individual members. It's pretty amazing, how we never used to believe in non-musical "gimmicks", but it has changed now. Why not? As long as the music standard isn't compromised, bringing little elements of fun onto the stage is always a joy for the performers and audience. And of course, it's always a beautiful sight looking at how the juniors blossom year after year, from timid little kids who were afraid even to play, to performers who're able to really let go and move with the music. I was talking to this junior yesterday, and she mentioned the East Zone Primary Schools camp where she was a mere Primary 4 kid and I was her student leader. Now, she's already in Year 3 and we're performing on the same stage! DHSCO just unites us in different ways, heh.

This concert's indeed one of the more fun and memorable ones, and it touched me in a different way. Perhaps it's a dream come true for the Woodwind and Percussion Ensemble, perhaps it's the pride of seeing the juniors grow, perhaps it's the delight in seeing long-lost seniors back again, perhaps it was simply the encore that saw Year 2 students all the way to working adults performing on the same stage. It's always nostalgic going back, and this time it was no different. Thank God for DHSCO, and the honour of being a part of this. :)

2010-05-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

It has been the fastest 4 months that could ever pass. It seemed like just yesterday that I stepped into school, filled with uncertainty as to what the new semester would bring. And before I knew it, my first year has come to a close. Wow, wow! Talk about time flying... Hee.

This semester, it has been great. I didn't know what to expect at the beginning, but I guess we were soon thrown into the frenzy of academia before we even took ten breaths of the air around us. Haha alright maybe it wasn't all too bad at the beginning when time was still slow and we could afford to play our breaks away. Those were the times that SCARCZ could still meet up relatively often. Speaking of which, thank God for this absolutely wonderful group of friends. It's been awesome getting to know you folks better over the semester, been great hanging out with you all too! And thank God for allowing me to get to know other people so much better as well. Including my English-Math buddies whom I never thought existed last semester hahaha. I honestly thought that there were only 3 people who took this combi! Haha.

So after the initial honeymoon period, the semester got crazier, and crazier, and crazier. Time never felt so tight, and I'd never felt that stressed. Those times when it was deadline after deadline and knowing my character, I was just rushing, rushing and rushing. Until my body couldn't take it anymore and it protested. That was such a wrong breakdown time, the battle wasn't even half over. But thank God for His grace that sustained me, and for the people around me!

It wasn't easy. So often I struggled, especially since I skipped lessons like nobody's business last semester and just attending lessons was kind of a tall order. But I tried, and by God's grace, I kinda succeeded! (Yeah, there was a number of times I overslept and missed my lessons, and that occurred more frequently during the second term heehee.) I really thank God for His showers of blessings over the semester, be it friends, grades... Thank God for His grace and strength, I'd never have survived the sem without Him. Especially towards the end when it got real tough and so many times I wanted to just give up, thank God for the constant encouragement from the people around me. Calvin and his wise words (no wonder he's our Uncle Calvin hahaha hey that's a compliment), Charlotte and Amantha my study companions who encouraged me so much too, Sarah and her constant nagging for me to study and do my work hahaha, and Zenn for always being sooooo sweet and entertaining! Not to mention my beloved brothers and sisters-in-Christ who've been encouraging me and keeping me in prayer. Awww. Thank God for all of you! :)

The semester ended in a nightmare, but I really couldn't ask for more. It's all in His hands... Thank God for having seen me through the 4 months. Thank God for the highs, the lows, every single lesson He has taught me, every single person I've got to know. Thank God for the whole of year one!

And thank God for everyone's prayers over the days I was sick. The last time my fever hit 40 was... 10 years ago? Haha. Wasn't a good few days but I guess I've somehow repaid my sleep debt. Thank God for the rest. Still feeling spineless, but I'll be out of my house soon!

Thank You.

2010-04-20T19:17:00.002+08:00

Overrated.

The test was the test, the exam's the real deal.

And I don't feel as confident as I'd like to be.

Really.

Then again...

Let it not be what I want, but what You know is best for me.

I need to be emptied of my pride, I need to depend, I need to be clear of my purpose.

Help me not to be confident in myself, but in You.

For You.

Lord, when You are glorified
My heart is satisfied to know
All praise and honour are Yours

I wanna be able to say it, and mean it.

Please take over.

2010-04-20T00:41:00.007+08:00

Amidst the exam stress, here's something that got me laughing for half an hour loooool.

So Mavis was asking me about Phonetics over the phone.

Mavis: You know, n's brother right...
Me: What?!?!?! Anne's brother????? (I heard it as "Anne's brother" which is perfectly justified cos that makes more sense and I was wondering which Anne and who's her brother.)
Mavis: You know, that syllable that looks like the /n/ but it has a hook.

She was referring to this -> /ŋ/, which she calls /n/'s brother.

LOL!!!!! I totally couldn't stop laughing and I keep laughing whenever I think of it. Today's been fun in a sense I guess. Going for a porridge buffet halfway through studying, laughing at Charlotte for dozing off every 5 seconds when we were studying LOL (donchu find that absolutely amusing and amazing...) and the fact that she bought dresses from the kids' section. Heheheh! :D

Geez. I can't believe I'm so relaxed two days before the start of exams.

Oh, it's now one day.

Which also means 7 days to the end. Let's go let's go, add oil and PRESS ON!!!!!!

Do it for Him.

2010-04-15T23:57:00.002+08:00

SOMEONE told me she's amazed by my resilience recently.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Hahahahahahaha!

2010-04-15T20:41:00.003+08:00

aɪv faɪnəli kəmpli:tɪd ðə paɪl əv ə\saɪnmənts ɪts taɪm tə stɑ:t \/stʌding bət weəz maɪ sens əv \ɜ:dʒənsi aɪ mɪs træn\skraɪbɪŋ /dəʊntʃʊ

Two things I've learnt, dependence and compromise. Times when I actually felt stressed, when I was pushed out of my comfort zone, when I had to do things I hadn't done before and didn't feel like doing. I had to ask God for help and depend on Him to lead me. Because I couldn't do all of those in my own strength. Once again, the fact was emphasised, that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

And compromise. Two people with completely different attitudes, characters, mindsets and approaches. Perhaps there were tiny clashes at times. But God does allow all things, big or small, to happen for a reason. How could I expect you to take a chill pill without stepping up on my part? I'm sure both of us learnt much from this. I don't know if ultimately what I did was enough, but I tried my best. I thank God for His grace and strength, and I thank God for you, my friend. :)

I couldn't have asked for a better group. Jason and his lol comments, "I think there're too many leaders for this project; there's only one follower." Shena with her random, out-of-the-world imagination, Weiting, my Thursday lunch-mate who just discovered how to use the print screen function (HAHA) and Sarah, who supported and reminded me of a thousand and one things throughout. It's amazing, how last-minute yet extremely efficient we are. Seriously... Thank God for the group!

Hmm.

Thinking back...

How can I?

'Cos at the end of it, it's still pretty awesome.

2010-04-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the Easter musical. It was just amazing. Time was so tight, but thank God for His grace that made up for it all. Once again, I'm thankful and honoured to be a part of it. Perhaps my pictures weren't that beautiful, but I tried. And I really had fun watching the musical tens of times while clicking the slides, I was totally not tired of the acting and singing. Not forgetting how Uncle Ivan and Aunty Alice are always so sweet to us, how the desire of each and every one in the team to serve the Lord blesses my heart, how the sweet unity in the team remains of great encouragement to me, and how the Lord uses people to come together for a little production that reaches the lost. It's simply amazing. I had a blast, thank God for the musical, thank God for every single profession of faith.

More than that, thank God for the reminder of what genuine love is all about. We're so often caught up in the matters of our lives, we just forget how God loves us so much. Sometimes, we need reminders and events to bring us to the realisation once again. The thought struck me just now, and I was overwhelmed.

I am amazed to know that a God so great could love me so...

Our human minds can never contain and comprehend the vast love of God, yet He still loves us so.

Thank God, thank God for Easter, thank God for the musical.

2010-04-03T01:11:00.003+08:00

To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to Easter a couple days ago. It felt that there was too much on my plate such that I couldn't lift it, yet I didn't feel like I could get rid of anything on it. Well the doctor didn't give me nerve supplements for nothing. *Cue Sarah's "remember to take your nerve supplements!"* Maybe, just maybe, it was a protest from my body, that it couldn't take my last-minute rushing anymore. So it went on a strike, leaving me overwhelmed by the amount of things I had to do, yet without the strength to accomplish anything. I was terrified at the thought of work.

I'm still extremely tired. But I thank God for His grace and strength. Thank God that the three shows for the Easter Musical went well today. I can't believe it's over. All the hard work, stress, fluster, late nights, irritation... Yeah, I'm kinda sad that it's over. Of course, there're two more shows on Sunday but that'll be a different atmosphere altogether. Thank God for the privilege to play a small part in glorifying a great God. I really enjoyed myself! There seems to be nothing that exciting clicking the slides but I really had fun lol. And what Calvin said is just so cool. "You're in front of everyone and everything else, yet you're behind everyone and everything else." Awesome... Of course, thank God for Yuqian and Lam Lee who came to watch the musical! Thank you, thank you! :)

I came to realise that the rest of the semester has been planned out and I almost fainted in the shower.

The remaining of the Easter Musical
Week of 5 April
Mon: Phonetics test (which I'll have no time to study for)
Tue: ALS first draft due (I haven't even distributed the questionnaires)
Tue: ICT essay to be completed
Fri: ICT presentation, group assignment stuff due
Week of 12 April
Mon: AAE102 group assignment due (no texts yet!)
Thur: Math test
Fri: ALS research paper due
Week of 19 April
Final exams kick off with 3 back-to-back papers (where do I find the time to start studying?)
Last paper ends 27 April (HOLIDAYS!!!!!!)

Hey, at the very least I've completed two. Uh, listing out the stuff and getting the dates right! Hurray.

Perhaps there was a slight disappointment. But I'm so thankful, thank God for the first step. In His time... :)

Blessed Easter!

2010-03-28T19:37:00.005+08:00

The past two weeks have been tiring. But when I look back at it all, my heart just overflows with thanksgiving for how God has sustained me with His love, grace and strength. Many times I feel so undeserving of the blessings He has showered upon me. But time and time again I'm reminded of His abundant grace. I can't fully comprehend it, I can't explain it, but I stand thankful and amazed.

Your Grace Still Amazes Me - Phillips, Craig & Dean

My faithful Father, enduring Friend

Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end

It overwhelms me, covers my sin

Each time I come into Your presence

I stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my knees

'Cause Your grace still amazes me

Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole

You are the Author and the Healer of my soul

What can I give You, Lord, what can I say

I know there’s no way to repay You

Only to offer You my praise

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees

‘Cause Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me

It’s deeper, it’s wider

It’s stronger, it’s higher

It’s deeper it’s wider

It’s stronger, it’s higher

Than anything my eyes can see

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my knees
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Your grace still amazes me

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 12: 9

Thank You, Lord, for Your all-sufficient grace. Teach me to be humble, to acknowledge my weakness, to depend on You every step and every moment, to stand confident not in myself but in You.

Still feel uncomfortable despite a long nap. But I shan't be conquered by the sick monster. It's battle time!!!!!!

Are you EGGcited for Easter? :D :D

2010-03-15T20:09:00.010+08:00

It probably came a little late but thank God for an awesome 20th. (Gosh, that's old.)

First up was the sweet little surprise by SCACZ. Sarah standing next to the lift shouting "SURPRISE" when the doors opened (that really gave me a shock), the three "stages" to the cake, and finally the birthday song. Aww that was really sweet. Not forgetting the beautiful card made by Amantha, the super cute cake designed by Sarah, the awesome present, and uh, the cake-smearing. Thank God for you all! :)

Green and orange!

Nice cake eh?

SCARCZ looking all formal, standing up with plates in hand

Our dear Poundcake "sacrificed" her eyes to show her teeth

Cake on my face

Revenge is sweet

Done by Poundcake!

Next was an equally diabetic surprise by the icy people (hahaha). It was a journey on blindfold from Raffles Place to the Esplanade. And I could feel people staring! So when we finally got to the mystery destination with the blindfold removed, I just burst out laughing. Yeah, the "birthday cake" was a really hilarious sight. But of course, that was so sweet! Thank God for you guys making it such a unique experience, haha! :D

My cake was finger-lickin' good!

My "captors". Stayover buddies! :D

DG, who happened to all wear green! Awesomeness. I've said it many times before, but really thank God for this privilege to be in the same DG. Thank God for the both of you! :)

Group shot (minus Ray 'cos he said uncles have to sleep early HAHA)

Some other pictures from dinner with Yuqian, Lam Lee and Cristal. Thank you all, for getting me such interesting presents. I promise to wear them... Sometime hahaha.

Cute

In the toilet again

Thanks Sarah, Amantha and Charlotte again for the wonderful dinner at Jack's Place! I'd been craving the food there for so long and I was really disappointed when I didn't get to go there with my family. So thank you! And thanks Sarah for the treat! That was so sweet of her. (This is really the hundredth time I'm saying this over the past few days but I can't help it, lol.)

Reality hits after the weekend of fun passes. I skipped a lecture this afternoon partially to do Phonetics but really because I was frustrated. I used to skip lessons when I was down, but I guess I shouldn't do it too often now. Alright, I shouldn't do it at all. But I thank God for today, when everything just slipped out of my hands. It's so hard to give it away when you've done it, are comfortable with it, are good at it (or think so). But that's what it's all about isn't it. Surrendering it all to God, acknowledging that I'm not in control but God is. It's definitely not easy. But it doesn't change the fact that God is in absolute control. And it's such a comforting thought. Thank God for the trigger today. I really have to commit my every thought to Him and trust that His plan is perfect. Because it is.

Thanks Sarah and Charlotte. I don't know what came over me today. But thank God and thank you. :)

2010-03-07T21:26:00.003+08:00

Hey! Where did the recess week go to????????

Hahaha. Oh well, it isn't that bad going back to school I guess. But I'd rather have my sleeping, slacking and playing time back!

So this week was spent studying. (Not.) Hehe.

I'd wanted to post some pictures from over the week but I feel tremendously lazy now.

It dawned on me yesterday that God has been speaking to me. The rather long period we took to do the last two sessions, all the little things that have been happening the past few weeks that have really gotten to me, yesterday's message, yesterday's dinner... Perhaps God's really dealing with me. It was as though the emotions snowballed into streams of tears last night, I was so... Bitter, frustrated, distracted. Thank God indeed for the reminder, that I've really got to pray. And for the message, that the sole purpose of our existence is to worship God. With our lives, with what we say, with what we do, even at home.

Well...

Oh I don't want my birthday to come!

There must be a reason. I can only let go in Your strength.

2010-02-27T21:10:00.008+08:00

I had the most disruptive night of sleep in ages.

Thank God that next week's recess! I could use much extra sleep and some rest after an insane week of work and deadlines. Thank God for His grace over the week. It was amazing how I finished my AED107 essay below 4 hours (I usually take an entire night), and how everything worked out for ALS101. Of course, I'm kinda worried about the statement of topic, my general questions and the extremely low SA score. But well, I'll have to trust Him.

Deadlines aside, this week was just hilarious, the little things and quips that came up. For one, I don't think people really bother with "izzackli" when he flares up. If it'd been another lecturer scolding us, I'd perhaps have been a little more serious but I couldn't help laughing at him the other day whoops. And I actually ran for lecture on Wednesday morning! (Second time.) I was still at the 179 bus-stop at 8.27am when lecture started 8.30am. Yeah, I literally dashed for my life all the way to Block 7. Just to avoid the "honour" of writing my name on the latecomers' list, which has been placed all the way down on the lecturer's platform, cos he apparently doesn't trust us anymore. Heh.

Statement of the week: "I was sitting in class during ALS101, and I didn't know what to do with my life." That was so exaggeratingly funny. Don't we somehow identify with that.

And I realised that the voice on the NEL pronounces "Outram Park" as "Outram Puck" very evidently. It's much more obvious than that on the EWL. Go listen! Lol.

My new favourite song!

When God Ran - Phillips, Craig & Dean

Almighty God, the Great I Am

Immovable Rock, Omnipotent, Powerful, Awesome Lord

Victorious Warrior

Commanding King of Kings, Mighty Conqueror

And the only time, the only time I ever saw him run

Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms

Held my head to His chest, said, "My son's come home again!"

Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice He said, "Son, do you know I still love you?"

He caught me by surprise, when God ran

The day I left home, I knew I'd broken His heart

And I wondered then, if things could ever be the same

Then one night, I remembered His love for me

And down that dusty road, ahead I could see

It was the only time, was the only time I ever saw Him run

And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said, "My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, "Son, do you know I still love you?"

He caught me by surprise

And He brought me to my knees, when God ran

I saw Him run to me

I was so ashamed, all alone, and so far away

But now I know, that He's been waiting for this day

I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms

Held my head to his chest, said, "My son's come home again!"

Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again

He ran to me, He took me in His arms,

Held my head to his chest, said, "My son's come home again!"

Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice He said, "Son"

He called me son, He said, "Son, do you know I still love you?"

He ran to me

And then I ran to Him

When God ran

God ran to us, He first forgave us.

2010-02-27T01:09:00.002+08:00

Man... What's with the weather, seriously. It's been so dreadful (and painful from late afternoon onwards) the whole day! Rarhhhhh. And I don't wanna spend tonight in the washroom. :( :( :(

But you know what, thank God that it only came after the busy week.

And amazingly, I actually feel better now. Looks like expired stuff can be effective after all...

A more substantial post tomorrow. I wanna sleep.

2010-02-21T19:41:00.004+08:00

Thank God that I passed my BTT! It was unexpected, there were at least 8 questions that I was unsure of. My heart was pounding so fast when I clicked on the "end test" button. I honestly didn't wish to fail (it'd be embarrassing), but I was already preparing myself for it. Hee. I was really shocked when I actually passed. Thank God, thank God! That's the first step to my "3am supper" dream. But come to think of it, I'm lazy to go for driving lessons.

The performance yesterday was tiring, but the atmosphere was great. I actually felt an adrenaline rush during the last session. There seemed to be a collective amount of energy unleashed on stage, and I half thought that the stage was gonna collapse. Loved the energy level of the performers.

The Di Zi juniors had an item as well, and as I watched them play, I could not help but be overcome by nostalgia. Wesley came along, commenting that I should just go up and join them cos I looked so tempted to. Lol. Yeah, I miss the days when we performed as an orchestra, when we went through thick and thin, sweat and tears in preparation for our concert day. Somehow performing with a school orchestra is just so different from a professional orchestra, the latter lacking in raw-ness and cohesion as a result of many practices together. And the sad thing is that I'll never be part of a school orchestra again (no don't tell me about university). I miss performing. So much. I miss the hard slogging as an orchestra to achieve that one common goal. I miss feeling the adrenaline rush on stage before a song begins. I miss screwing up (all the time) during rehearsals. I miss the carefreeness on stage, the freedom to let all my emotions flow. I miss the enjoyment of and movement to the music while performing. I miss hearing people say they enjoyed and were touched by the music. Despite shelving my concerto dreams aside, I still wish to be standing on stage again, performing the genre of songs that I love. Which I don't see as very possible. But it doesn't hurt to dream, does it.

I guess in seemingly small things such as these, God is speaking to me. It's just so frustrating and I can feel the bitterness well up uncontrollably. And here's where "you can't control your circumstances, but you can control your response" really applies. Yes, I am fond of saying that, but I'm really struggling. I'm still trying. To not depend on my own strength, but His.

Reality hits. Horror week ahead. She's right, I shouldn't take it all for granted. Just because my last-minute work paid off last semester doesn't mean it's going to again this semester. Hey, it's time to stop thinking the world of myself.

Your grace is sufficient.

2010-02-12T00:15:00.006+08:00

I was anticipating today, yet dreading it at the same time cos of the undone work, Finite Math test and the thought of getting back the Number Theory test with a "zero" on it. But somehow, everything turned out well (with the exception of me applying concepts from a later chapter that wasn't tested into the FM test, leading to almost half of the entire paper's marks assuredly gone). Still, God has been so good.

So today was the day SCARCZ revealed our angels and mortals! Yeah, before touching on that, it was really a random idea that I threw out and they were crazy enough to agree to play it HAHA. Of course, we did it the technological way. And if you think that playing Angel & Mortal among 6 people is lame... Think again! I was so dead sure that I knew everyone's angels and mortals and so was Sarah (but I knew she got one pair wrong), but I was still wrong! This just shows that it can be played successfully among 6 people hahahaha. Thank God for the gifts and the time spent together. :)

My dear angel! She gave me really sweet stuff, including a Swensens voucher woohoo! And you know, I was just telling her about coconut husks and she actually went to pick a coconut for me. It was so funny, her account of the very embarrassing situation whereby people were looking at her pick coconuts HAHAHA. And angel, even though "boomz shingz and leopard preens" gave you away, I still love you, thank you for everything!!!! :D :D :D

My gift to Amantha. Perfect eh?

Calvin the mortal, who said he's gonna find his purpose hahahaha!

The "seats" that Zenn made which're a part of the SCARCZ ferris wheel! Beautiful. :)

We were like the two out of, what, 5 or 7 people or something who wore the shirt today. Bugaboos!

Hmm, the past one week or so has been great in a sense but it hasn't been as great spiritually. Somehow, it hasn't sunk in.

The fact that everyone's gone.

2010-01-31T22:16:00.002+08:00

Stuck.

2010-01-31T01:05:00.004+08:00

January's coming to an end in a bit. Oh yay. But then again...

So there's this tutor who's scary in a really interesting way. Such that when he banged on many a table (yes mine included) to ask what we understood by vacuously true, the weirdest answers came out cos he "scared out minds blank".

"Not true."
"True in a false sense." (That cracked me up totally.)
"True, but not true."
"EMPTY!" (See what I mean?)

The revelation. When something is initially false, whatever happens after that doesn't matter since something that is false will never come true. That equates the entire statement to being true. Take this example, "if Cinderella were to become a ghost, that tree down the road would shed all its leaves." Since Cinderella never existed in the first place, everything that is said to take place after that is taken to be true cos it has no effect whatsoever on our lives. Therefore, this statement is vacuously true. Did I mention that this is Math?

Feasting with awesome company's the deal.

After Palate-ing

This is what we do when we don't wanna go home to face the mountain of tutorials. We sit on the swing-like thing. Which can't really be seen here.

But at the end of it all, there's this voice within, it never fails to remind me. And I'm trying not to fall into the river again.

"Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Matthew 11: 28-29

Guess some of us are tired. But let's find our rest and strength in Him alone. I'm trying, too. Go friends, go me.

Before I forget, photos credit to our very own Poundcake! (Okay, I never did credit, but I remembered this time, and your name's in RAD! Hahahahahaha!)

2010-01-23T23:25:00.002+08:00

RARH.

It just shows that I'm unable to balance my life. Everything feels so lop-sided now. My heart's so far from one aspect of my life and it's really weighing me down. It's affecting my thoughts, my time, my attitude, and more importantly, my focus. Hmm, I wonder how, and when.

I'm kinda drained from the past two weeks, school, activities, in and out, non-stop. I've been wondering how I managed to survive last semester with the consecutive 8.30am days. And I realised, I was happily skipping lessons last semester so it didn't really tire me out so much. So, yeah, doing the right thing involves effort. And I guess I hardly do the right thing.

So that aside, I think I'll need to start running 5 rounds or something. My stamina's going down the drain, I don't feel that my lungs are that powerful anymore. Heh.

Now it's time for the GESL peer evaluations. Praise people to the skies!

Ah...

2010-01-23T00:40:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the past week. It's been tiring yet fun, and all in all, it was really awesome!

Meranti Project

So I was extremely unhappy that I had to go back to school on a Saturday AND Sunday from an 8ish to 6ish timing, otherwise they'd send me a warning letter. I thought that it was gonna be a waste of my time and that it'd be the usual corny stuff like team-building activities. It was anything but. I didn't expect myself to take away so much from the two days, to really contribute to the discussions, to share so openly, to learn so much about my GESL mates. I'd really love to talk about several details but I don't wanna spoil the fun for those who haven't gone through it. All in all, it was insightful, personal, emotional, heart-warming. And I just feel that God has a reason, for our class to be allocated a slot just weeks after the Cambodia trip. He's reminding me time and time again not to take what I have for granted, not to complain my life away. Ah, the conveyor belt thingy's just so awwwww.

Zenn's Blackjack

We gave her a little surprise celebration.

Her favourite cheesecake!

The cards we wrote for her, made and drawn by Amantha. Cute huh!

Bunnehs attracting some attention, according to Sarah.

And yeah =)

Other awesome stuff...

This was the first week, other than week 1 of semester 1, that I went for ALL my lessons! Like WHOA!!!!!! I'm just so amazed at myself.

It was the first time I ever RAN for a lesson. And I made it on time. Yeah I was extrinsically motivated into not writing my name down under the "latecomers list" but still, I tried. Yay.

It was the first time I did my Math tutorials! And I paid attention in class! Megan said she could feel my pride overflowing hahahaha.

And other interesting stuff.

AAE102, with the study of advertisements after advertisements, makes me wonder if I'm doing Language or New Media.

Having learnt Phonetics makes me wonder what kinda English I've been speaking for 20 years.

The Finite Mathematics lecturer pronounces "exactly" as "izzackli" and I still can't stop laughing over it.

Amantha couldn't start her car today. After a while, someone told her that her steering wheel could have been locked, so she turned it with all her might and the car started! And off we went for bubba teh after much navigation to and through the Mathematical Science block. Whee!

And I'm super tired.

2010-01-14T03:02:00.000+08:00

BACK TO SCHOOL BACK TO SCHOOL BACK TO SCHOOL!

God has been so good. The past 3 days have been tiring but thank God for friends who've made school life so much more bearable.

So it's a whole new semester all over again. New modules, new lecturers and tutors, new classes, new friends... It's never a nice feeling when you start getting to know a few people better, and the classes get shuffled again. To the point where it gets tiring making new friends. I get tired, and would rather just sit where I am and do nothing. But when I look around at the few people who're in the class and there's no one I know, that's when I don't have a choice. Well, thank God though. The semester has started quite well, minus the fact that the Math lecturers are as scary as the modules. Doesn't sound optimistic, there's no way I can get away with skipping lessons, being late and not doing my tutorials, but then again, maybe it's good. I mean, yes, it's good. Bleah.

And I couldn't resist taking a picture of a segment of my notes. (Hurray, I printed my notes!)

On a highly amazing note... Megan's in the same class as I am for 5 out of 6 tutorial classes! We were both really stunned when we compared timetables. It's kinda freaky, like, FIVE!!!!!! We might as well have been holding on to the same timetables, it's really unbelievable. But really, thank God!!! :)

Thank God for SCARCZ! Trust Amantha to even think of that, haha. Thank God for the great time spent over lunch at Crystal Jade today, during our common 4-hour break! It was awesome, the food, fun (all the nonsense and mad laughter) and fellowship. :)

En route to JP!

Hmm, I have no idea why certain thoughts are lingering in my mind, no idea how I should approach other thoughts, no idea what to think. But right now, I need to be thankful.

2010-01-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

Cambodia Part 7 - 'Tis The Season to Be Jolly (25/12)

Merry Christmas! It was a very different Christmas, away from Christmas carols blaring on every shop's radio, beautiful Christmas lights, partying crowds, in general, the typical "Christmas feel" we normally get back here. In fact, it was a rather bland Christmas for me. It could be due to the fact that I fell ill and practically spent the day sleeping, yeah, that was sad. But I've learnt my lesson, to not be smug about my health 'cos that's when "retribution" will strike lol. But well, thank God for a very different Christmas this year. It really doesn't matter, whether it's loud and vibrant or peaceful and quiet, it doesn't change the fact that Jesus is the reason for the season.

During the bonfire which I only joined for a short while

We Are the Reason - Avalon

As little children we would dream of Christmas morn

Of all the gifts and toys we knew we’d find

But we never realized a baby born one blessed night

Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason that He gave His life

We were the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts

The giving of ourselves and what that means

On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain

All because of love, all because of love

We were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

I finally found the reason for living

It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him

And all that I do every word that I say

I’ll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

We are the reason that He gave His life

We are the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

2010-01-08T21:13:00.003+08:00

Cambodia Part 6 - Made to Worship (24/12)

I was really blessed by both sermons that day. But at the same time, they were like an open rebuke to how I've been living my life. God reveals things to us not without a reason, He wants us to be involved. But I often find myself struggling with what I know I should do, and not doing it in the end. God can reach us wherever we are, provided our hearts are in tune with Him to hear Him. But I'm often unwilling to move out of my comfort zone to the place where I'll be able to hear Him. God doesn't need a talent, He just wants someone with a willing heart. But I'm so full of excuses. Sometimes, we need to be brave to listen to God's Word. But I'm often afraid of the slightest thing, afraid to step out, afraid to simply trust Him. God wants us to be set apart, only then can we truly worship Him. But I'm often doing things for my own comfort and convenience, intentionally avoiding the little voice, finding excuses not to do what I'm supposed to. Oh, but there're so many buts.

I give up all the pleasures

From this world of sin

You in my life, that is what I long for

Jesus, You have my heart

Take my heart, revive me

Use me I pray

So that I can shine once again

In this world of sin

Set apart, I want to be
Living for You, my Lord, my Saviour
Teach me to live Your life, Your glory
That others may see Your glory in me
That Your Name be magnified today

Really...

On another note, I enjoyed performance time. It was fun watching creativity come into play, coupled with actions and all. I've never liked doing skits, but I liked the moment when we sang Heart of Worship.

When the music fades

All is stripped away

And I simply come

Longing just to bring

Something that's of worth

That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song

For a song in itself

Is not what you have required

You search much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about You

It's all about you, Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it

When it's all about You

It's all about You, Jesus

Doing an action song

One thing.

2010-01-08T01:27:00.005+08:00

Cambodia Part 5 - Let's Plant! (23/12)

So it was time to get down to work after the previous day's relaxation at the beach. Let's plant some corn! It was fun, something new that I'd never done before and would hardly get a chance to do. The weather was scorching hot but I wouldn't say that we had a hard time 'cos we planted for an hour plus in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon before they called us to stop. Which I personally felt was a wise decision as upon leaving the fields, we saw many zig-zagged lines of planted corn when they were supposed to be straight lines. So that was a good move before we ruined their fields any further hahaha. But of course, let's hope that the corn does grow! :D

Hard at work!

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart - these, O God, You will not despise."

Psalm 51: 17

A verse that came up during the evening sermon, on the Heart of Worship.

Yasmin and I were just talking about our PBL days, all the sleepless nights, then meeting up early in the morning at the SSC looking and feeling cranky, our nonsense put together, how we suffered together. It all seems so easy now, when back then PBL was sheer murder. And how fast, that the new semester is commencing in three days. The timetable's out and I'd wanted to complain but I came to realise, that as long as you're in the secondary track, your timetable's probably sad. So let's be happy sad people hahaha. I'm in the same class as Sarah for AED107 and AAE103 (Charlotte too!), and Calvin for both Math tutorials. It's not too bad I guess. I have to depend on God's strength, to step out of my comfort zone, once again.

2010-01-05T20:24:00.003+08:00

Cambodia Part 4 - Arrival at the Goducate Home (Prey Nob, 22/12)

It was yet another 4-5 hours of travelling into Prey Nob, where the Goducate home is, our "home sweet home" for the next 5 days of camp. We didn't do much, split ourselves into our camp groups, talked to the children, rested, and off we went to the beach at Sihanoukville. It was beautiful! And once again, the splendour of the sunset just took my breath away. We'll never see such a ball of brilliance here, sadly.

That night was the worst I had in Cambodia. For some reason, I felt extremely homesick, I missed the people back here so much, I felt really lonely deep down, and I just yearned so much to fly back to Singapore and bathe in toilets with doors (lol). Thank God for the sharings during the de-brief, that really rebuked my heart. I'd unknowingly allowed high-and-mighty thoughts to cloud my mind. Thank God for the reminder that I'm in no way superior to anyone anywhere, even if I'm richer in possessions or just happen to live in a country with better living conditions. God made us all the same, He loves us all the same, and He wants us to love as He did. Whatever happened to what my focus should be? Of course, not forgetting what Lilis said, which probably impacted most of us, me included, the most. We can be swept off our feet by the magnificence of the sunset, by the vast amounts of stars in the sky, we can be so awed by them. But what about people, whom God has made even more beautiful than the sun and the stars. Do we even take a moment to think of the unsaved souls out there that God so dearly loves, or are our minds just occupied with images of nature... Which made me think, perhaps, it was more sympathy than grief, more indifference than care, more emotion than love...

God will make a way,

Where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength for each new day

He will make a way, He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But His Word will still remain

He will do something new today

I lay awake for the longest time. There were so many people who'd be content with just a slice of bread, yet there I was complaining that the toilets had no doors, there was no hot water, the rice was too hard, the room was so hot, the place was so dirty... And a million more things. I was tempted to do something, but thank God for the voice within that told me not to. Because God always wants us to go to Him. First. I lay there, tears flowing, and I really talked to Him.

2010-01-05T01:23:00.012+08:00

Cambodia Part 3 - Visit to the HIV Hospital (Koh Kong, 21/12)

There was medical work in the morning at Bakachang, which made me wish that I knew Khmer. It was a challenge understanding the villagers and getting them to understand me. But it was still a great morning, thank God for the work done there and for the response.

Boat to Bakachang!

The visit to the HIV hospital that afternoon was a bittersweet experience, I would say. It definitely wasn't a pleasant feeling walking around, looking at all the patients there and thinking of how much they have to suffer. But I was really moved by a couple of the youths who just stepped forth with love. I was so blessed by how Xiuying, Teresa and Melody shared the Gospel with one of the patients, and she accepted. It's just so amazing, how God's love knows no boundaries. What's even more amazing was the fact that God used an unbeliever to translate the Gospel for her. That was one of the most memorable moments of the trip for me. The love that was shown, the smile on her face. Thank God for the greatest Love.

That visit made me think about how there are people longing to catch a glimpse of the sunrise one more time, but here I am taking my health and everything else for granted, not realising how fortunate I am, not making full use of what I have.

And I wish, that it had been more than a spark.

Dinner at the casino was good. Even though we weren't dining in the midst of card dealers and Poker players, the place and food were awesome. Not to mention, the ultra clean and posh toilets. Ha.

The awesome view at the casino

At the dinner table

Sarah and I are in the same class for AED107! It's too bad that the rest are in different classes and I really miss the Titans and the rest but it's already a big miracle, so thank God! :)

2010-01-01T13:00:00.002+08:00

It's the start of a new year all over again. Year after year at this time, I just look back in amazement at each year that has gone by. How time flies. It won't be long before this year passes and I start saying the same thing again. But before we dash into the future, just some reflections on 2009. 3 main things that I've learnt over the past year.

1. Change
There were way too many times at the beginning of the year when I wished that I could be what I was like a couple of years back. I didn't like the change in me. But I came to realise, the person I was had probably been created by the circumstances around me. I hadn't changed. I learnt to accept who I really am instead of trying to be someone I'm not. People changed. My relationships were affected. It was painful at times and I would wish fervently that everything could go back to what it was like in the past. But God taught me to slowly let go, He taught me what it meant to not be crippled by the past. More importantly, He taught me that change is inevitable and through this, taught me that everything will change but He remains the same God yesterday, today and forever. I know that things will never go back to what they were before. But thank God, for He definitely has a reason for everything that happens. I just have to trust Him. Thank God for all that has changed, thank God for having taught me all this. And thank God that He never ever changes.

2. Love
Definitely something I've been struggling with. It's one thing to love a close friend and another to love someone who annoys you. But God wants us to love both. God has been showing me a lot, the different sides of people, so that I can learn to love and accept them as they are. He's reminded me time and time again, I might feel that certain people aren't deserving of my love, but I never was deserving of God's love in the first place but He loves me the same and He sent His Son to die for me. I guess there've been improvements here and there (I hope I'm not being delusional, and of course, I don't claim credit for any), but I don't deny that I still get irritated fairly easily. I really thank God for each and every single person He's placed in my life, and I pray that He'll continue teaching me to love everyone around me, as I can only do so in His strength.

3. Dependence
I would say, the greatest lesson of the year. I tend to depend a lot on friends and so often I found myself at emotional lows because of friends. There had been many moments where I felt extremely lonely, where I felt that no one cared. And I thank God for these moments, as it was only during times like these that I really came before God to pray and talk to Him. "You don't know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have." We have so many distractions that they become our source of strength and happiness unknowingly. God takes them away so that we can find our sole source once again - Him and Him alone. It took me so many breakdowns to learn this. But God has been so gracious, teaching me so patiently, never ever forsaking me. Thank God that He's always there when I call out to Him, thank God that when everything fails, He'll be here to hold me.

There are just so many things to thank God for. Thank God for my family, a good break before school started this year, a place in NIE, seeing me through school, my results, the Cambodia trip, opportunities to serve in ministries. And of course, thank God for all the friends He's placed in my life. Church friends, close friends, NIE friends (lovelies and more!)... I might not have thanked you individually like what I'd been doing, but from the bottom-est of my heart, I thank God for each and every one of you. Yes, I thank God for you, reading this. :)

It doesn't seem that short, but this is probably the shortest reflection post I've done in 7 years or something. Honestly. Lol.

"As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God."

Psalm 42: 1

Lord, help me to worship You alone.

2009-12-30T00:15:00.007+08:00

I SO MISS CAMBODIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd usually do a day-by-day post on my trips but this is way more than just an overseas trip, so I'll do so in parts.

Cambodia Part 1 - Hello Cambodia! (Phnom Penh -> Koh Kong, 19/12)

It was a long, long time of travelling from Phnom Penh into Koh Kong. But I must say, the stars there are simply gorgeous. Talk about starry, starry night. It was also nice looking at cows along the road. And I wish I could have riden on a tuk-tuk! But, never mind. Hahahaha.

Cambodia Part 2 - Day at the Beach (Bak Klang, 20/12)

I was really blessed by how friendly the locals are. A few of us were taking a walk down the village when we met a couple of youths from the Bak Klang church, and they offered to bring us around. We shopped with them at the marketplace, visited the school there, and went to one of their houses. Even though there did exist a language barrier, it was still a great afternoon, thank God for their warmth and hospitality!

The kids there are great too. We probably looked like martians to them initially but it wasn't long before our youths and the kids were playing together so happily at the beach! It was both a heart-warming and amazing sight. It's really wonderful, the pure, innocent, sincere joy on the children's faces. These people, they don't live in the best conditions, they're poor financially, but there's this bond among them and a contentment that can't be found in the people here. There, it just takes an afternoon at the beach to make a child so happy but here, a hundred PSP's wouldn't do the trick. Not to mention the warmth shown by the villagers to us, making us feel at home even in a foreign land. And glancing at the sea, we no longer see Singaporeans and Cambodians, but rather, we see a group of friends gelled as one. It's so beautiful seeing the love shown by the youths to the children, I was really encouraged and moved. It's truly the love of God that shone through, a love that transcends all language barriers and background differences. Thank God for the day at the beach, and for creating such a beautiful sunset, the best I've ever seen. Oh, and I'd never appreciated rice and gravy so much till that night.

Ain't the sunset and scenery just so beautiful!

2009-12-19T13:07:00.003+08:00

I'm leaving on a jet plane~~~

Only it's not entirely a jet, and I do know when I'll be back again.

HAHA.

I'd wanted to blog an emotion-filled post but looking at the time now... Nah. I'm starting to feel excited, I can't wait to see how Cambodia is like! And, I really need this trip.

You guys better miss me!

Till the 28th! :D

2009-12-17T23:10:00.001+08:00

Oh man oh man oh man...........

I'm really sad cos I won't see some people for 10 days or more and I know it's stupid but I'm sad!

:( :( :(

2009-12-17T02:05:00.002+08:00

Really encouraged by this video, one of Hillsong's Worship leaders talks about her experience on losing an unborn child and how she saw a bigger God through her circumstances. Do watch it! :)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10

2009-12-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the weather yesterday! It was our actual GESL event, thank God that the rain only came when we were done with the activities. And it stopped just before we boarded the boat back to the mainland! Woohoo~

It was fun! Besides the miscalculation of timing, but even that was amusing. We'd estimated that the amazing race would take 5 hours. Being in charge of the second last station, Jesslyn and I went to find the rest of the Chek Jawa station masters to play cards and slack around. We thought that we'd only return to our station slightly before the 4th hour or something. Who'd have known that the first team would appear at the Swiss Cottage (the station before ours) in the middle of our slacking session during the 2nd hour! We were totally shocked and had to dash to our station in case the team beat us there, which would have been hilarious wahaha. Samantha's reaction at seeing the teams was really funny. It was like, "Oh." *after a few more seconds* "OH!!!!!" *picks up the flags and dashes to her station* It was just really funny, everyone's shock at the arrival of the team, then rushing around like mad hatters packing up all the rubbish lol! So, from the estimated ending time of 5.15pm, we actually ended at 3 plus hoho. But we stayed till 7 plus before leaving, having a rollercoaster ride on a police van, playing bridge, and getting terrified by dogs in between.

Hmm. It's unbelievable how the Cambodia trip's only 3 days away, how the year is coming to a close, how school is starting soon, how my holidays just flew by like that, how the whole year just zoomed by. I guess, this holiday has been different. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I shouldn't sleep so much. Haha.

We don't know the reason but God does.

2009-12-09T01:28:00.005+08:00

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

2 Timothy 4: 7

I did the craziest cycling ever in my life at Pulau Ubin today. It was absolutely exhausting and several times I thought I was gonna faint of dehydration and starvation. But I came out of it very much alive. Words couldn't express my joy when I discovered that we'd finally returned to our starting point!

Thank God for the weather, safety, wonderful company, the experienced policemen (and woman), thank God for the trip! It was great (minus the uphill biking) and the view at certain places was simply gorgeous. Not to mention the moment of victory I felt when I successfully completed the course of our biking! It was as though I'd just conquered Mount Everest when I'd actually only cycled in Pulau Ubin hahaha. Thank God for my GESL mates, they're just awesome. :)

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Oh, yeah.

I'm so gonna wake up aching all over tomorrow. Wish I could stay at home and stick to my bed but well, pressing things to do! Heheh.

2009-12-05T05:48:00.004+08:00

"Let's go bowling and bowl Sarah in!"

I honestly find that very funny. Lol.

So we (Amantha, Sarah and myself) had this spontaneous decision to hang out somewhere to countdown to Sarah's birthday. Amantha's parents picked us up in the car, drove us back to their place, after which Amantha took the car and we were on our way to East Coast Park! We didn't manage to reach by 12am, so Sarah had the privilege of a birthday song sung in the car. Hahaha. Speaking of which... It's so cool to be able to drive!!!!!!! Imagine driving out for supper in the wee hours. But anyway, we had Round 1 of supper at Murphy's Cafe, followed by chilling (some distance) from the beach. Then the crazy idea of heading to Geylang for supper at one of the coffeeshops (can't remember the name) came up. And yeah, off we went, for Round 2.

That was really cool, the sudden decisions, chats, laughter and all. Not to mention that Amantha travelled from the east to west and back to the east again sending us home, and it was rather late. Thanks girl!!!!!! :) :) Thanks for the sharing too. :)

Well thank God for you two coming down for Uth today. And thank God for the message. So simple but time and time again we just lose our focus. It's indeed a reminder that while our journeys aren't gonna be a bed of roses, God will always be with us. That alone is a really comforting thought.

I really like this picture! Credit to Serene. :)

Blessed birthday, Sarah!

And blessed first to me, hahahaha. I can't believe, I can't believe, how an entire year just swept by. Wow!

2009-11-27T02:27:00.005+08:00

"ZOOM and the semester is over."

"BOOMZ and the next semester will come." (Lee, 2009)

So true how time flies. It seemed like yesterday when I entered NIE, a clueless, almost helpless soul. And now, it's already the end of our first semester. It ended on a terrible note but that aside, thank God for having seen me through the exams. Many discouraging moments, but thank God for His grace and strength. Not to mention, I had a good laugh (to myself) when I saw that Ris Low's pronunciations of "hospitaleetee", "zeebrah" and "LEOPARD PREENS" came out as one entire 15-mark question in the Language paper! I was just completely boomz-ed by that. :D And and and, thank you Amantha, for this!

Tell me you're not going "SO CUTE" this instant.

Thanks dear girl, I had a hard time getting myself to eat it cos it's just toooooooo cute but did in the end! And we could copy other stuff next time. ;)

"Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us! For we are exceedingly filled with contempt."

Psalm 123: 3

This is so apt. Cos I'm frustrated. And it's frustrating that I'm frustrated. It's like a spectator yelling at the goalkeeper during a soccer game "HEY YOU SHOULD HAVE BLOCKED THAT BALL" like he himself could have done it better. I shouldn't be feeling this way. God doesn't want me to feel this way. I shouldn't even be thinking of those things that I want to say. It's a timely reminder. That we shouldn't criticise. That we should intercede. I have to stop thinking like I'm some high-and-mighty person. I'm simply not. It's not for me to say and do and change anything. It's for Him to. Give it to Him. Give it to Him.

Your Faithfulness - Brian Doerksen

I don't know what this day will bring

Will it be disappointing, filled with long for things?

I don't know what tomorrow holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain

If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?

I don't know what the future holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea

Certain as the sunrise in the east

I can rest in Your faithfulness

Surer than a mother's tender love

Surer than the stars still shine above

I can rest in Your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die

Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?

No, I don't know how much time is left

But in the end, I will know Your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul

When thoughts and storms of doubt

Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea

Certain as the sunrise in the east

I can rest in Your faithfulness

Surer than a mother's tender love

Surer than the stars still shine above

I can rest in Your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring

Will it be disappointing, filled with long for things?

I don't know what tomorrow holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Awesome song. It'll be up here soon!

Yeah...

2009-11-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

2009-11-18T04:06:00.002+08:00

My masterpiece!

2009-11-17T22:29:00.003+08:00

I think I'll have to charge Sarah a fee for copyright infringement since she's been quoting my blog posts (the whole post sometimes) but she says she puts references, which reminds me of essays.

HAHA alright this is totally random, I'm talking about this just cos I told Sarah I'd blog about her. She's apparently very happy that I'm seated super far away from her for the Language paper, which is really mean. Really mean. Hahahahaha!

MY PHONE IS GOING CRAZY and I haven't started studying. :( :( :(

2009-11-17T14:29:00.006+08:00

The sports hall in NIE's really elusive. You can kind of see it from the bus-stop but you just can't get to it. That's what Angela and I were trying to do for a whole 15 minutes this morning. And after we thought that we'd found the entrance, the security guard said that we had to go back where we came from cos no bags were allowed beyond that point. So we had to go all the way up to the first storey, then down to B2 by another staircase. We were totally walking in circles, lol. Thank God we weren't late!

After the paper, Sarah called and said that Amantha was looking for me cos she'd got something to tell me and she asked me to go look for them. I thought it'd be something important, but... Here's what she said.

"Ruth! I haven't copied the dictionary and I'm not done with History and I haven't revised bIOgraphy! Can you help me copy the dictionary?????"

LOL!!!!!!! I totally couldn't stop laughing. At the fact that they called me so that I could hear their intentional "compilation". BUT IT MADE MY DAY hahaha. And I hope I won't burst out laughing in the middle of the Language paper.

Speaking of which, my learning log's... 2 pages filled. And no one's allowed to react to that. In front of me, that is. :D

Oh, and over-confidence is never a good thing. Perhaps it's better to realise that early.

Off to sleeeeeeeeep.

2009-11-17T00:56:00.002+08:00

D-day, d-day.

I know there're several insane people who're extremely excited about the exams. And I'm totally not. The only thing I'm excited about is the arrival of 24th Nov, 11.30am. Hoho.

Hmmm. When we know something so well or when we're good at something, we tend to depend on ourselves and think that we can pull it off successfully on our own strength, we fail to depend on God, and we forget to give credit where it's due. I've indeed been giving myself way too much credit. I've been focusing on the wrong stuff, I've been letting comments dictate my thinking. I shouldn't be aiming to show anyone anything so that I can feel so good about it. I have to be humble. More than that, I have to be focused.

You, just You.

2009-11-09T16:54:00.005+08:00

I'm exceedingly proud of myself for waking up bright and early this morning to study with Amantha, Calvin and Sarah. Well, we just discussed a Grammar past-year paper, but that's good for me! The consultation with Dr. Ludwig was really cool. And is he amazing. He asked me for my name, to which I simply replied, "Ruth." "Oh, Ruth Zhuo?" He'd apparently seen my name on Facebook somehow, somewhere, but he assured us that he isn't a stalker. Haha. And his academic life's really amazing. From a student who had to repeat a year in Secondary school to being offered a place in Cambridge to pursue his Masters, eventually obtaining his PhD, that's just... Wow. :)

And I still can't get over that mental image of someone attempting to copy the entire dictionary into a 40-page or so learning log since we can't bring our dictionaries for the exams. HAHAHAHAHA!

Alright, this is a really random post. I'm just so bored waiting for the Amazing Race to start. Heheh.

2009-11-09T00:57:00.010+08:00

My PBL journey…

Has officially come to an end! While I was waiting fervently for the arrival of this day, I can’t deny it was a bittersweet moment when we departed from the classroom. PBL was a torture in itself, all that generation of ideas, research, frustration, frequent sleepless nights, intense preparations for D-Day, not to mention the endless waiting, but it was PBL that brought five different people together! I will definitely miss the time spent together being crazy, being stressed, and being BOOMZ.

I thank God, really, for this entire experience. It’s the one project that I really soaked myself in. Knowing my character… I really thank God for my awesome group mates who pushed me to give my best and do stuff that I wouldn’t have taken the initiative to in the past. Wow, looks like I’ve learnt the art of motivation from the project! Haha. But yep, thank God for the fun and laughter, all the nonsensical stuff we said and did that would really brighten my days, the last two weeks of PBL where a few of us met up almost every day to rush our incomplete work like mad, the chilling and eating sessions, even for the trying, stressful and exasperating moments cos those were the times I got the most out of this! And how could I forget, THANK GOD FOR MY GROUP MATES!!!!!

As I’d mentioned, I felt a tinge of sadness when EdPsych class officially ended on Friday. It’s the course that I enjoyed the most, next to Grammar, and I’m really gonna miss my classmates, several of whom I might never see again if we don’t bother to keep in contact! Alright, that sounds exaggeratingly depressing but looking at how I refuse to spend an extra moment in school, it’s possible. On top of that, I’m gonna miss our random lunching and chit-chatting days at the Engineering block’s food court! Hee, that point when we said our goodbyes, I really felt rather gloomy.

The last of PBL and EdPsych. Awww.

My fabulous group!

With our fabulous tutor, Ms Lim, whom I'm gonna miss loads as well.

Since we didn't take a picture together, here's the other half of our lunching group. Their presentation slides were WOW!

BOOMZ-ERS!!!!!

Lastly, just a random picture

of negative externalities that were laughing away when the people around were trying to study. Heehee.

Thank God for the week that has passed, it's been exhausting, but it's all over. For now... Exams! And discussion of Grammar answers with the hilarious people tomorrow. So sweet of them to wait for me just cos I don't wanna go to school so early. Awww. :)

I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I need Your wisdom and guidance.

2009-11-04T16:07:00.002+08:00

I could feel the coldness and nonchalance setting in. To an extent, I still felt a little hurt, a little angry. I didn’t think that the party deserved my time. I thought about it in the wee hours of the night, the steady rhythm of raindrops against my window, and it occurred to me. Hadn’t I just been doing 5 days of “I am set apart”? I prayed. I really have to stop taking the things and people around me for granted. I was all of a sudden so thankful for the friends God has blessed me with. Lord, grant me the patience, help me to love as You loved.

I’m extremely tired, having dragged myself out of bed this morning after an hour’s sleep to go for the Language lecture which I haven’t attended since the first week of the semester. Yeah, that was essentially my second time going for the lecture. I felt that it wasn’t worth my time, but I did resolve to go for all my lectures this week, seeing that it’s the last week of school. Well kinda. The good that came out of it was breakfast with the Boomz-ers, Angela and Amantha. All that nonsensical talk about flies and whatnots. And of course, PBL with the usual rad stuff. My group just refuses to take my suggestion on our group name being Leopard Preens. Heh.

I totally can’t wait for Friday to come and declare that PBL is over. Meanwhile, it’s PBL, essay, Math quiz….. Oh well, I’ll make my long break tomorrow a productive one. PBL, followed by studying with cool people! :D

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache

You think it's more than you can take

But you're stronger, stronger than you know

Don't you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard

Impossible is not a word

It's just a reason for someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death

When they decide to take that step out on the water

It'll be alright

Life is so much more

Than what your eyes are seeing

You will find your way

If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds

You do have a chance

(That's what faith can do)

When the world says you can't

It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes

You will have the strength to rise

It's time to concuss.

I can never afford to get complacent.

2009-11-04T03:49:00.002+08:00

I just love it when it's raining at an unearthly hour. :)

2009-10-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

I’m just so thankful for the week gone by, I can’t even begin to thank God for having seen me through. The past few days were essentially spent on PBL, PBL, and more PBL. I do have loads to say about that, but I’ll leave that till next week, when we’ll officially be done with the whole thing. PBL’s a chore, really. But thank God for blessing me with wonderful group mates. The time we spent together almost everyday for the past few days (for Sarah, everyday) was to me, really enjoyable. How we suffered sleepless nights together, went crazy together, said the most random and stupid things… Yeah, it was totally BOOMZ. (Sarah, I’m so not the prognosticator of BOOMZ. Who’s the one who randomly BOOMZs man. Still, your Facebook post was really sweet. Thank you too, and keep smiling! :D) And yes, the SSC has since become our favourite haunt.

Thank God for the message yesterday, guess it was a really relevant topic for most of us. I’m often so distracted by a hundred things, my focus won’t stop shifting, and then it’s down to the dumps for me. Focus, focus, focus! And thank God for the little sharings last night, including the reminder that we are very weak people and it’ll be exhausting, if not impossible, to do everything in our own strength. Thank God that we can always depend on Him.

Thank God once again for the week! For PBL, for my group mates (especially my fellow BOOMZ-ers), for sustaining me, for great friends, for my Language assignment, for my Calculus test (I failed), for Thursday, for Grammar lessons, for my dad, for every word of encouragement… Yes, thank God, THANK GOD for this week! :) :) :)

Just something lame that came up during a PBL presentation yesterday.

“We, as teachers, should always put ourselves in the shoes of our students. I know that our students’ shoes might be too small for us to go into them, but we should still try.”

Gosh, that was totally lame. Nevertheless, I was laughing throughout.

To my BOOMZ group, let’s PRESS ON for our presentation and BOOMZ it cos PBL is BOOMZ and we are BOOMZ!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention that PBL drives people crazy?

2009-10-26T00:51:00.004+08:00

Part of me wanted the bus ride to go on forever, so that my troubles could be flung off the bus at each stop and somehow disappear. Of course, it didn’t happen. The accumulation of emotions over the week eventually condensed into a stream of tears and I broke down on the bus. I felt bad. Being tired wasn’t an excuse. Beyond which thoughts just kept flowing in and out, and I became all pensive again.

I dazed in bed when I got home, with the ceiling for company, until I finally got round to picking up the phone for help. (No, that’s an exaggeration.) But I can’t thank God enough, that I can talk about Monday to Sunday and Sunday back to Monday without being coherent, without having to link anything and without identifying what’s frustrating me so much, and I can still be understood. It’s kinda… Amazing. But hey, thank you so much, what you said was a timely reminder for me. And I’m truly encouraged by how God has been working in you. Let’s press on together, once again! :)

Well, the whirlpool of emotions has finally died down. I realise, I’ve got so much to thank God for and I haven’t bothered to do so. Even the simplest of acts can really cheer one up. Let’s focus on the good of this week now. Thank God for the study-attempt-that-failed and shopping with Yuqian, thank God for LAAAR (my AAE101 assignment group, it should be LAAA now haha) for being so responsible and accepting, thank God for my PBL groupmates for their understanding and entertainment, thank God for Jesslyn for being so nice and steady about my last-minute ways, thank God for every single one who helped out for Vibe yesterday, thank God for every single message, every single sharing today, and thank God for all of you!

The stuff that amused me.

"Hey, our safe assignment score is 9%."
"Okay, but I think "had been fooled" should be changed to "have been fooled".
"Ooh I've changed it, and our score is now 11%."

And what made me laugh until I cried during Ed Psych.
My SMS to Yasmin: Hello! How's your day!
Her reply: Very good. What about yours? So what are you doing now? Having lessons?

We were sitting beside each other at that point of time.

The outcome of having unlimited SMS-es, you know? But it wasn't me who started this whole thing. Hahahaha. And this just proves that PBL either causes people to fall ill, or it drives people into extreme lame-ness and madness. :D

Speaking of which, here's a shoutout to my fellow fighters to press on over the next 2 weeks! I'm not planning to eat PBL, drink PBL and breathe PBL, but I'll DO PBL!!!

Take control...